


Archenemy

by Am0re



Category: TMNT (2007), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Love/Hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24758701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Am0re/pseuds/Am0re
Summary: You didn't know why it was so hard for him to trust you.When you first met the four brothers, the initial shock of what they were was nothing compared to the gratitude you felt that they existed in the first place to save you. Becoming friends was easy enough. You could tell they all longed for more friendships. Yet, breaking the walls with just the three brothers was easier than the last...You came to notice the more time you spent with the brothers, the more difficult your relationship with Raphael was. He would get angry at the smallest things, distance himself, and consistently tease you.Can you figure out what you did wrong?
Relationships: Raphael (TMNT)/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 161





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I've been super bored since quarantine and decided to exercise some writing skills. Like a hermit I used to read these alll the time and just wanted to write some for you guys who are also very much bored at home. Please leave any notes and this is my first one so criticism helps too! :)

Walking down the grimy and empty sewers, the emptiness was unnerving and strange. The whole reason someone would willingly go into the sewers was strange, let's be honest. The night you were attacked by the notorious gang, The Purple Dragons, was the night you met them. 

Your arm shielded your face as it was the only move you had left to do. You were outnumbered, already tired, and it was raining. The darkness from the night and your tightly clenched eyes was somewhat comforting as you knew whatever happened next you wouldn't have to watch. And hey, your adrenaline was going full force so maybe it wouldn't feel THAT bad. But the pain you expected didn't come, and your beginning nightmare was starting to feel more like just that... a nightmare. When you slowly blinked your eyes open, the cold rain drops sliding down your lashes and gently kissing your face was enough to tell you that you weren't dreaming. That the 4 giant figures standing before you WERE real and you were going to be okay.

The light emitting from their lair gave you a familiar sense of feeling like home. You had only come before when they texted you and escorted you themselves. One day, you had some extra time to surprise them and they were absolutely thrilled. All expect one. You don't know what you did to make Raphael so distant and aggressive. You figured it was just his nature. Yet, his restless and angry attitude towards you always made you feel a bit un-welcomed in their home. It made you so hesitant to truly be comfortable with all three of them but it didn't matter! You were going to change that. You had stopped at a new and popular donut shop and gotten a couple of sweets for the boys. You were going to kill, no, slaughter Raphael with kindness starting with some of the sweetest things you can imagine. No matter how long it took. 

Coming into the lair, the first face you saw was Mikey's. The place was homey enough sure, but it was a sewer. A bit dark, cold and gross. Still, it was truly hard to feel that way when you saw the lair in it's prime with all four brothers treating it like the home it was. Beginning your time here with the concentrated, scrunched up face Mikey had in the harder parts of his game reaffirmed that vibe. You couldn't help but grin stupidly when you saw how much fun he was having. The light from the screen helped illuminate every concentrated feature he displayed, which quickly broke when he saw your face. "Y/N!" He shouted, the screen flashing to tell him he had just lost. 

You felt yourself wince, feeling bad that your prescience caused him to lose the game. "Sorry... That wasn't my fault, was it?" You asked sympathetically. 

Mikey shook his head, now having a grin that stretched across his face as he ran over to you. "No way dude! That game is just mega hard and I wasn't gonna win anyway." He said a bit sadly. The weight of the donut boxes was starting to get irritating but thankfully, Mikey saw the box and returned to his happy demeanor. "Aww no way is that for us!?" He asked like a child seeing a birthday present, returning the smile upon your face as you nodded happily. 

"Yeah! This place usually has a line going down the street but today it wasn't so busy so I thought I'd buy you guys a couple. Where is everyone anyway?" You asked, your eyes flickering around the lair as you searched for the other three. One in particular.

Mikey shrugged, the vacuum of his game having numbed his sense of perception. "Uh I dunno actually... HEY LEO, DONNIE, RAPH, Y/N IS HERREEE!!!" He shouted, his voice echoing through the lair. You cringed a little at the sudden shouting, but was happily pulled forward by Mikey into the kitchen and was soon greeted with the familiar faces of the brothers. 

Leo was the first to come out of his room, smiling as he saw you. "Hey Y/N! It's good to see you."

You smiled, the soothing voice of Leo being the second thing that eased you more. "It's good to see you too Leo. I brought donut's for everyone!" You said happily, setting the box onto the kitchen table as you reached it. 

"You mean those spherical shaped concoctions of sucrose, carbohydrates and impending obesity?" Donnie chimed in, entering the kitchen. He picked one up and took a bite, moaning at the taste. "Soooo goood!" 

You giggled, smiling gently at Leo as he picked one up as well. "Thanks Y/N." He grinned, semi glaring at Mikey who was already scarfing them down by the handful. You made quick work of getting a napkin and snatching one up before Mikey had the chance to, looking back at Leo. "Of course. Hey, do you know where Raphael is?" 

Leo glanced at you briefly, the question catching him a little off guard. He knew how Raph was towards you, and was a bit surprised you were actively seeking him. "In the training room. Temperamental as usual." He said, adding that last part in quickly to hopefully deter you from wanting to see him. You didn't care. Raphael's sour attitude was one of your main goals for coming here. "Thanks Leo. Mikey, make sure everyone at least gets a second!" You pleaded with him, though your face was nothing but playful.  
Mikey looked up at you, his cheeks almost as round as the donuts. "What, you mean like a second WHOLE donut?" He mumbled through his mouthful. You laughed and rolled your eyes, leaving as you heard Leo and Donnie pounce on Mikey and begin bickering. 

You straightened your back and carried yourself confidently to the training room. Raphael was intimidating sure, but he didn't scare you. Not outwardly anyway. You knew that despite his remarks he would never hurt you. You would skin him alive if he did. Coming to the training room, the lingering smell of sweat and sound of rattling dumbbells affirmed his prescience. You stopped at the doorway, watching Raphael's unnaturally muscled arms heave up the weights as he was laid out on his bench press, the top of his head in your direction. His mutated body was something to behold, carrying potential and pure strength behind each muscle. *He looks like he can lift a truck...* You thought idly to yourself, beginning to stare. Shaking your head, you snapped back to the reason you were here and cleared your throat. "H-hey Raphael! I'm... here..." You said, your brows fixing in awkward confusion at what the hell you just said. 

You could hear Raphael give a huff of laughter. Not one that was humored in a good way. One that fed on your insecurity and preyed upon it. "Yup. I heard Mikey." He said dismissively, setting the weight on it's stand and sitting up, his back towards you. You closed your eyes and expelled an already frustrated sigh. "Well, I brought donuts for everyone and saved you one before Mikey could eat them all." You said, dropping your hip and relaxing against the door frame as you held it up. 

Raphael glanced back at you briefly, tossing a wet towel around his neck and getting up. Your eyes widened as he stood up, like they were trying to get as big as he was. He quietly walked over to you, plucking the donut from out of your hand and stuffing a bite in his mouth, not even giving you a passing glance as he walked to the bathroom.

You groaned quietly, hoping it would sound something more like a growl and turned on your heels, watching him walk away. Deciding to move on with your day, you went back to the kitchen where a whimpering Mikey was trying to soothe his hand which had been smacked repeatedly, you guessed, from trying to steal more donuts. Plopping into a chair, you held your cheeks up with your hands as you rested your elbows upon the table, closing your eyes. Your anger started to rise when you embarrassed yourself, settled out as you tried to talk to Raph, only to get riled up again by his actions. Leo, who was glaring at Mikey and sitting at the table looked over at you. "Told you. He's a bit tempermental-"

"I just don't know WHY he doesn't like me." You interrupted, sighing as you let your anger out almost instantly on poor Leo. "I'm sorry. He's just so frustrating and I WANT to know if I did something wrong or... something..." You said pathetically, shifting your arms so one could idly flick crumbs off the table while the other still held up your cheek. You inwardly cringed at how much you felt like a child who wasn't getting enough attention from their older sibling. You could tell Leo's face was one of sympathy by the tone of his words, hoping to make you feel better about the situation. "He's just difficult Y/N. Like I said you can't-" 

Smack. 

"OW!"

"-expect him to be the friendliest when he's just not friendly to begin with." He said gently, looking back at you and away from a whimpering Mikey. You felt a smile crack at your mouth and your eyes fall back upon the brothers. Leo smiled at you and cleared his throat at Mikey who ignored his pain for a brief second to smile at you as well. Laughing a bit, you instantly felt better and nodded in agreement, sighing out your frustration and relaxing your somewhat tense body. Leo smiled happily, glad he made you feel better. "Why don't you go sit on the couch and relax. Me and Mikey can make some snacks and then watch a movie?" He suggested, which led to you and Mikey nodding enthusiastically. 

Leaving the kitchen to allow Mikey and Leo do whatever they were going to do, you plopped down on the couch and turned on the television, settling on the first entertaining thing you saw. Laying down with your head propped up on the head rest, you began to relax. It was only a couple of moments of peace before the weight shifted heavily towards the opposite end to Raphael, who was beginning to make himself comfortable. Irked by his mere prescience, you shifted your gaze back to the TV. You didn't even get the satisfaction of that as you heard a grunt of disapproval and the channels beginning to change. 

Huffing, you glanced up to glare at Raphael briefly before laying your head back down. "I was watching that." You mumbled, watching as the station settled on some crime related show instead.

"Well, ya got bad taste n' its my turn." He said once again dismissively. 

More irate, you sat up and snatched the remote from him, changing it back. Blinking to realize what had just happened, his piercing green eyes turned to look at you with a look that could kill. "What's your problem?"

"What's YOUR problem?! All I've ever done is be nice to you and you're always rude! I haven't done anything to you Raphael but I guess being a giant mutant means you gotta be a giant asshole too, huh?" You snapped, getting up from the couch as the more daunting Raphael got up with you. 

"Ya better what yer' mouth. No one says ya gotta be here 'nyway so why do you even bother comin here if I'm sucha pain? Got no real friends up there to keep ya company?" He taunted, making you recoil. You felt yourself go from a dry angry to a wet, emotional angry and the last thing you wanted to do was break down in front of Raphael. Ducking your gaze away, you sniffled, your brows still furrowed in an angry glare. 

"You know, I was just trying to be nice but trust me, you being a giant mutant isn't the reason why you're so sad, angry and lonely you prick." You snapped, turning on your heels and briskly walking out as Leo and Mikey were just coming from the kitchen.

Mikey blinked, looking at you worriedly. "Y/N! Wait!! What's your problem dude, why you gotta be like that?" Mikey groaned to Raph, going after you while Leo looked at Raphael in frustration.

Raph huffed it off, looking at Leo. "Like I got issues. 'M not the one comin around all time to hang out with some four giant turtles. What does she even want with us 'nyway! If I was her, I wouldn't wanna be hangin around us when she can be livin' up there with people who are actually like her. How do you know she ain't just here to laugh and look at us like the freaks we are?"

Leo sighed, shaking his head. "Maybe she feels bad for the four outcasts who can't do that and wanted to make us feel a little less like four giant mutants and just regular people." Leo mumbled, going back into the kitchen. "But it's whatever Raphael, just go ahead and drive away someone whose just trying to get close to you. It's what you do best."


	2. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be·gin·ning  
> /bəˈɡiniNG/
> 
> noun  
> the point in time or space at which something starts.  
> "he left at the beginning of February"

Walking back home that night felt like a grueling walk of shame. Your 'kill them with kindness' didn't work out. At all actually! You let your temper get the best of you, one of Raphael's faults that of course ended up with some harsh words being tossed back and forth. 

Mikey caught up to you quickly enough and you both talked with nothing really gaining from the conversation. You told him you were sorry, he said you didn't have to be. You said you would be busy the next couple of days, he said he understood. 

It had been about 2 days since the events unfolded and you groaned quietly at yourself, hiding under your favorite blanket on the couch. You weren't sure what your next move was going to be, but you really weren't lying when you told Mikey you were going to be busy.

Pursing a degree while trying to maintain a social life wasn't easy. At all. Of course any good degree required a couple of years of education, maybe an internship, a bunch of needless classes. On top of that, you needed a job which only ate up more of your time. You remembered the boys complaining about hardly seeing April and Casey since their lives were picking up as well. That made you feel all the worse. 

Sighing, you decided moping around about it wasn't going to solve anything. 

Checking the clock, you finally dragged yourself out of bed to get ready for work. Thankfully, you started a little later in the afternoon today so you didn't have to worry about the moping cutting into your morning routine. *Moping about my problems and trying to fix them might be my own self-care routine.* You idly concluded to yourself, reasoning that fixing the problem is better than avoiding it. 

Quickly getting ready to your degree of standard, you gave yourself the most fake, cheeky smile you could muster. Raphael's words were slowly eating you, whether you liked it or not. Of course you HAD friends.  
You had the couple 2 or 3 that were extremely close. The only problem with friends are some of them really aren't that nice. Some of your friends were only your friends because of what they hoped to gain in the future. Some people you stuck around with only because your other friends liked them, even though they were kind of mean to you. 

Overall, it always felt like... No matter how nice you were, how good of a person you KNOW you were... No one really seemed to want you around. You were always treated like baggage rather than a companion and yeah, it stunk. And a big part of that was why you liked the turtles so much. You knew how they felt. Outcasted and nothing but different. You wanted to give them a sense of normalcy they probably only got in small doses. 

So Raphael HAD to like you. He HAD to be okay with you being around so you wouldn't feel that same way again. If he was at least cool with you in some itty-bitty, tiny way, then you would be fine with that relationship. Him being okay with you there and hopefully understanding that you would be there if he needed you too.

* * *

Work was busy that day, to say the least. It wasn't the first job you would pick, but it would help further your career so you chose it. Some part of you did find enjoyment while the other part was screaming internally as to _why the hell did you get THIS job._

All day it was a constant barrage of tasks being thrown at you and sooner than you knew it, you agreed to stay a bit longer that day to help with some extra work. Which was fine, you could always use some extra money anyway. 

Finally finding some time to yourself, you were hanging out in break room staring outside the window. The city was really beautiful. Towering buildings with minuscule figures running about down below. It was one of the only times and places where you felt like you could get a view of how society worked. Someone small working for someone big in a bigger building. Only for that big guy to be working for an even bigger guy who was content where he was or in that ever constant power struggle. 

You let out a slow sigh, noticing how close the clouds seemed. Almost like they could go into the buildings if they wanted. *It's gonna rain today.* 

Hearing something about the words 'foot clan' made you turn your head towards the TV, now transfixed on the news. The reporter wasn't April which surprised you. Being as close to the turtles as she was, no one could get the better story about the foot clan than her.

But things were changing. Gang activity was on the rise and the foot was more notorious than ever. It was becoming such a problem that it seemed like every reporter was becoming an expert. Yet, the turtles didn't really talk about it. You weren't sure why either, but you figured it had to do something with a common phrase. 

*Ignorance is bliss.* You pondered, the horrors of what had been going on unfolding before you and making you frown. Stores being set on fire, more and more muggings, gang attacks, people disappearing.

Becoming too much, you changed the channel and sighed. Maybe the turtles were going to be busier than you thought. Hanging out was probably a least of their concerns. *I bet that's why Raphael has been so grumpy lately. He's probably worried something's going to happen to him or his brothers. I bet I'm some sort of distraction they could do without.*

Hearing your name being called again, your short but needed break was over. Pushing your thoughts aside, you re-centered your mind on work and the long night you had ahead of you.

* * *

It was late. Too late to be out here alone by yourself. Especially with everything going on. You knew you were gonna off work late, but not THIS late. 

Standing outside and waiting for the bus, you wouldn't be surprised if it never came. It was already late by 10 minutes. *SHIT! It's almost 1 am???* Groaning, you sat down as the rain poured on above your head. 

It was nearing winter and freezing outside. The rain didn't help. *It's so late. If I'm out here any longer, I'm going to catch a cold. This jacket is NOT meant for rain.*

You were tempted to call a taxi, but another news story made you hesitant. Some stolen taxi cars were driving around abducting people, especially late at night. It was all some giant conspiracy that the foot was infiltrating public services, government positions, etc. Maybe nonsense but it was kind of scary to think about.

Speaking of public transportation, the headlights of your bus finally illuminated the bus stop. Eagerly jumping in and handing over your bus ticket, you shimmied your way down the isle and plopped your overly relieved butt in the seat. *Worn out, disgusting seats never felt so good.* You sighed, relaxing deeper into your seat. 

Usually, you would take the subway, but it was kind of a walk from your job. Plus, some shops were still open late at night that were right next to the bus stop. If anything happened, you felt safer knowing someone was still awake and close by.

Deeper into the ride, you began to notice you were the only one on the bus. It wasn't that uncommon. More people were staying indoors and trying to avoid going out so late. You figured that's why you were essentially the only one left at work this late. Your day was so busy you didn't even know how long the tasks you agreed to do were going to take.

But it was fine. It was only a 20 minute bus ride and your apartment was only a block or two away from your stop.

Easing your fears, you remembered your other secret weapon. The turtles. If anything were to happen to you, you would just give them a call. Considering how intense the foot activity was, they'd probably be nearby. 

Scrolling through your phone, you busied yourself for a while before seeing it was beginning to die. Wanting to preserve your battery, you busied yourself with the sights outside. With your eyes flickering to follow the lights and street signs, you felt your heart skip a beat. Why were you on this road? It was in the complete opposite direction to where you were supposed to be going.

*Did I get on the wrong bus?*

Glancing around in the bus, the usually lit sign confirmed where you were supposed to be headed. 

Feeling your heart beat quicken, you looked at the bus driver. Bald, a little chubby, overall normal looking guy. 

You leaned further in the side of your seat, now noticing how nervous he was looking. Taking a deep breath, you calmed yourself down before clearing your throat and announcing your presence. *He must've just forgot I was on.*

"Excuse me, sir? Are we headed the right way?"

The bus driver all too quickly gave an eager nod. "Just a different route, miss. Regulations been statin' that we uh, take a different route than usual. It bein' so late and all that's been happenin'. Just... droppin you off somewhere a little different that's all." He replied, almost like he had been waiting for you to ask. 

*Different?* "Well, we're pretty far from where I'm actually supposed to be going." Glancing around, you noticed you were in the shadier parts of town. "H-how far are we to the stop?" You asked, tempted to just ask him to leave you there, until you saw where you were. "And why didn't anyone tell me buses were taking different routes?" 

The bus driver didn't respond, keeping his eyes focused on the road ahead. 

Feeling your heart pounding in your chest at this point, you knew better than to call the police right in front of the driver. Sending out a quick general text to the brothers, you took note of your bus and your location.

Clearing your throat again, you tried another approach. "Sir?" You asked a lot softer, your eyes pleading with him. "Where are you taking me?" 

He glanced up at you through the review mirror. The look of fear was obvious in your expression, even if you tried to hide it. You were begging in your eyes, trying to succumb to any sense of humanity he may or may not have had. 

You could see his exterior crumble. The guilt was seeping in. Letting out a shaky sigh, he pulled the bus over to the stop. "We're here."

You swallowed hard, not sure if your begging worked out not. Shakily, you stood up and got off the bus, knowing you were definitely somewhere in town you didn't want to be. As you stepped onto the sidewalk, you whipped around to look at him. You felt conflicted, not knowing if you were happy to be off or if you wanted back on.  
"P... Please... Take me home. If you don't I'll call the police and tell them which bus left me here! And who you are and you're going to be in so much tro-"

"No need for that miss. It's all part of regulations. I'm sorry you're unhappy with the route. I would suggest keepin' up with the news. Again I'm... I'm sorry." And with that, he shut the door and drove off, leaving you to stand alone in the rain.

You backed into the stop, sitting on the bench and beginning to massage your scalp. You were starting to panic, get frustrated, and feeling as though someone was watching you at every corner. A light emitted from your phone and you picked it up, your eyes widening. It was Leo! He had texted you back asking if you were alright. 

With shaky fingers, you called him praying he would pick up since you just got the message. You thought you saw a flash in the corner of your eyes but your mind was quickly distracted once more.

"Y/n? I got your text is everything okay?"

"Leo! Please, you have to come and get me. I-I was on this bus and I just wanted to go home but he just kept driving a-and now I don't know where I am I just know its not good..." Your words poured out of your mouth in a frenzy, knowing it didn't really make sense but fear was getting a hold of you. 

"Woah woah woah, Y/n, calm down! Just take a deep breath, okay? Just stay where you are, I'll come and get you." Leo said, his voice ever soothing but there was something wrong.

"Leo... Is everything okay? You sound worried."

There was a bit of silence on the other line before you heard a sigh, feeling another spark of fear. "It's been a long night. We got into a pretty bad fight and we all got separated. I found Mikey and Donnie but they're hurt really bad, we don't know where Raphael is.."

You bit your lip, now feeling bad. Maybe you were just a distraction. "Hey, you know what? I just got a text from my friend. She says she's on her way to come and get me." 

"Really? Are you sure, y/n? I don't mind coming and getting-" 

"No, no Leo please! Really, I'm fine. I'll call the cops too, okay? Worry about your brothers. They need you right now, not me." You had squeezed out every last drop of confidence you had into those final words, really hoping to reassure Leo. You had resources and people up here. All they had was each other.

Leo let out a relieved sigh. "Alright. Be safe y/n and please... call if anythings wrong okay? You're like our family now too. You're important to us."

You smiled a bit, nodding to yourself. "I will Leo. Stay safe, please." 

With that, you hung up and let out a sigh. Glancing at your phone, you noticed it was on the brink of dying. *Last call, better make it count.*

Dialing 911, you were able to get in touch with an operator and soon enough, an officer. Briefly explaining everything, you realized you weren't entirely sure what streets you were on. Getting up, you quickly walked to the corner of the side walk, giving the first name of the street when you heard grunting. Like prey that had realized it had just been caught, you froze and listened. The grunt was followed by a clang of metal and the symphony of falling objects. 

"Shit!" 

*I know that voice.* 

"M'am? M'am? Can you please give me the other-"

"I'm sorry. Gotta go." You hung up like you were talking to a friend, your attention always needed by something else. Slowly walking closer, you were thankful for the ever drenching rain. It helped mask the sound of your footsteps as you edged closer to the ally way where the noises emitted. Slowly peeking to the side, you saw a figure hunched over. Judging by the shadow, whoever it was was big, and looking a bit cumbersome as the shape didn't make any figure a normal person would guess it to be. But a flash of lightning was all you needed. 

Raphael was hunched over, groaning as his sai glinted in the ally way, laying on the ground. What caught your attention most was the glisten of blood, the trail leading back to him.

"Raphael!" You breathed, quickly rushing over.

He gave a short and pained groan, turning to rest his back against the walls and dropping to the floor. "Y/n? What are ya'... _grunt_ whadda'ya doin here?" He panted, groaning in pain as he rested the back of his head against the wall. 

You dropped to your knees beside him, your hands shakily hovering over the wounds you could see, Raphael covering the one you couldn't that seemed to be the worst. You covered your mouth quickly to keep from gasping at the sight, trying to take it all in. "My bus dropped me off here. It took me to the wrong stop. But I'm glad it did." You said, reaching into your bag to try and see what could help.

Raphael gave a short grunt, huffing heavily. "Must be my lucky day then, huh?"

Panic had now turned into urgency and even more panic, but a bigger part of you was relieved. Even with him being hurt, Raphael just being here was enough to make you feel safer. "Shut up and drink this." You demanded, pulling a water bottle out of your bag and shoving it to him. You weren't really in the mood for his games today. In addition to your water, you found some Advil which you hoped would help, shoving that his way as well.

Raphael made some kind of sound you couldn't place. Something like a grunt of annoyance or gratitude. You weren't sure but he took the bottle and gulped down whatever was left and took the medication, sighing happily as finished it. 

Gently, you prodded at him to move his arm and while at first he refused, his arm dropped to his side and you gasped. There was a deep and long cut across his stomach. You had no idea that could even happen! Whatever did this was something you didn't want to meet. 

Quickly disrobing out of your jacket, you pressed it against his wound. "Raphael, this looks bad. What happened to you guys?" You asked, glad you chose your wool jacket out of all things. It wasn't 'guaranteed to soak up any blood, 100%!' rated, but better than your rain coat which you almost grabbed. 

Raphael closed his eyes, sighing as he relaxed. "Nothin we couldn't handle at first, really..." He started, wincing as you pressed a little harder. "Then there were these uh... mutants I guess. Nothing like I've seen before. They came outta nowhere an' ambushed us with the foot clan. They were brutal, like friggen monsters. I got so caught up in chasin one down I didn't realize how far away I was until more of them came out and..." He let out a grunt of pain again and you shushed him gently, relaxing the pressure you were putting on his injury a tad.

His eyes languidly opened to look at you once more, your attention still fixated upon the jacket. "Ya really don't have to be doin' this ya know." He said, making you look up at him.

You stared into those vibrant eyes of his, filled with so much more than just the anger you always saw. You nodded silently, resting on your legs as you looked him over slowly to eye his other injuries. He was not in good shape. "It's what friends do. Where's your phone?" You asked, watching as he grudgingly glanced to his side, not really wanting to get it.

You quickly picked it up, seeing how destroyed it got in the fight. Biting your lip, you checked your phone again. 1%. Making quick work of navigating your phone, you tried to call Leo one more time. You barely heard the Hello? Of his voice before it died, and you let out a scream of frustration. "DAMMIT! Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT." You cursed, getting up and letting out a long sigh. 

"It's okay, it's okay. I called the police, they should be on their way. If you stay here long enough, I can come back tomorrow and I can call Leo..." You're panic was rising to the brink of an anxiety attack. You two were alone, somewhere sketchy and he was injured. Nothing was going the way you wanted this day, it was late at night. You should've told Leo to come! Idiot!!! Why didn't you give the police the other street name? 

Raphael was looking up at you in confusion, trying to stop whatever was going to happen. "Y/n? Are you uh... okay?" 

You stopped, turning to look at him. Seeing him lying there, so hurt and defeated. Your eyes began to swell with tears. "You're so strong Raphael... If this happened to you, what happened to your brothers? What if they're not okay? I can't leave you here by yourself, you have to get back to them. You guys all have to be okay or... I don't know what I'm going to do..." You said with a sniffle, dropping to your knees again in front of Raph.

Whether Raph knew how much his brothers meant to you remained uncertain until now. It had only been a couple of months sure, but you had made a lot of close bonds with the brothers. Mikey and you always had some sort of competition going on. Donnie was there to help you with your studies if needed, which could take hours on end. And Leo was there, more than happy to be an outlet for your problems as you were his. 

Seeing you panic over his well being and his brothers made him swallow down whatever snarky remark he was going to make. Resting his hand on your shoulder, you turned to look at him, tears and rain rolling down your cheeks.

"Y/n. I'll be okay. Do whatcha gotta do. If yoa want me ta wait here for ya tomorrow, I'll be here. My brothers are gonna be fine, they got each other. I'm... I'm really lucky you were here."

You felt all your fears slowly release their hold from your mind as you looked at him in slight shock. The tone in his voice was something you hadn't heard before. You weren't even sure if you were talking to the same turtle. It made you feel better. Soooo much better. 

Smiling shakily, you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck, sniffling. You weren't sure if hugs were okay yet, but you wanted one. "I'm sorry about that stuff I said the other day. I didn't mean to get that angry."

Raphael gave a slight chuckle in your ear, patting your back comfortingly. "That makes botha' us. It was probably a lil my fault anyway."

You giggled, pulling back to look at him with a gentle smile. He gave you an awkward, friendly smile which looked so forced you weren't even sure if he had ever made that face before. You laughed, the sound so refreshing and needed it made you both relax. Looking back at him, he had a much gentler look on his face. 

Before you could ask him anything else, he looked past you and his eyes widened. "Y/n! Look out-!"

You barely had time to turn around before the brutal force of something connected in the perfect spot, everything going dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'll try to push out at least a chapter a day. Again, let me know what you think and if you're enjoying the story so far!


	3. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> noun  
> /ˈpräɡres/
> 
> forward or onward movement toward a destination.  
> "the darkness did not stop my progress"

You don't remember the last time you felt this way, if you ever did.

A groan seeped through your lips, your lashes untangling themselves so you could groggily peer around the dark room you were in.

Quickly, you sat up only to moan in pain once more and slowly lie back down.

You were hit by a bus? Or subway? One of those two, because your head was throbbing in a ridiculous amount of pain. Slowly coming to your senses, you stared at the ceiling above you, trying to gather your thoughts. 

You were kidnapped by someone on a bus, stranded in a very shady neighborhood. Then you found- 

Raphael! And the others! 

Wincing as you eased onto your elbows, you began to realize why you felt like such shit. The soreness in your throat that came with every moan. The hard to breathe feeling that came with a stuffy nose. And all around feeling like utter and terrible crap.

*So I have a concussion AND a cold? Great...* You thought idly to yourself, blinking as you gazed around the room. It wasn't your room, that's for sure. The bed was much larger than yours and the decorations were different. 

Squinting your eyes, you could see posters for various action movies, a couple of ninja weapons on the wall. A punching bag in one corner and yadda, yadda, yadda.

Groaning, you laid back down and slowly rubbed your forehead. You didn't even have the strength to care for where you were. *If I got captured and these people want to end my suffering, by all means! Please!*

Yet, you did remember being with Raphael one second, then him warning you before you were hit on the head by something else. 

*So I'm not captured. I must be in one of their rooms.*

Hearing footsteps, you shut your eyes tightly when the door opened and light spilled into the room.

Hearing a husky chuckle, the door shut. "You're awake." 

You recognized that thickly laid Boston accent anywhere. 

You sighed, figuring your scrunched up face was enough to give away your fake sleeping. "Not that I wanna be. I feel awful..." You whined, turning on your side and pulling the covers above your face.

"Hey, don't be gettin snot all ova' my blankets, alright? You stayin in my room is a privilege." He said, coming over and sitting at the far end of the bed.

Sniffling, you lowered the blankets away from your face and turned to look back at Raph. "What happened? Why do I feel like this? Where are your brothers, are you okay?"

When your eyes adjusted to better look at Raph, you noticed he was holding a tray with a bowl, some water, and medicine.

Looking back up at his eyes, you noticed how vibrant their color was compared to everything in the dark.

"One of tha' foot came up behind you and ambushed us. Luckily, he just knocked ya out before he heard sirens and got cold feet. I was able to distract em' and at least get us into the sewers. My brothas found us n' took us back here. We uh, weren't really sure where ya lived so we just took ya back here. Wanted to keep an eye on ya 'nyway. We're all fine. Donnie was a lil beat up but he was able to take care of all of us."

Humming as you listened, you slowly eased onto your elbows once again, eyeing the tray more and more favorably. "I'm glad you're all safe. I'm just confused. I got your room because...?" You trailed off, looking at him once more.

Raph got quiet before shrugging, clearing his throat. "What, ya want the couch instead?"

Laughing before turning into a coughing frenzy you shook your head, now sitting up entirely and resting against the headboard. "No, no. I was just wondering. Thank you. Where are your brothers now?" You asked, watching as Raphael set the tray on your lap.

"This is for you. Make sure to eat everything, n' I mean everything off your plate." He said, watching you begin to ravenously eat before speaking again. "They're out patrolling again. Things have been a bit crazy these days. We just gotta keep up with it." 

As you sipped on your soup, you looked a bit confused. "Patrolling? Didn't you all get your butt kicked?" You asked, taking a glance over Raphael's entire body. His middle was bandaged, arms, legs. Had a couple of bruises here and there.

Raphael rubbed the back of his neck. "Y/n, you've been out for a day or two now."

You nearly choked on your soup, coughing violently as some didn't go down right. "Out? Out out? Knocked out? For two days?"

Raphael watched you with irritation beginning to flicker in his eyes, hoping you wouldn't get his sheets dirty. "Yeah, knocked out cold." He said shortly, making you sigh.

You quickly sipped down some more soup, hoping to lessen how much there was and ease his tensions. "I gotta get back home. I gotta call work, my family, I'm sure everyones worried-"

Raphael cut you off. "Donnie took care of it all. He called your work and said you were in tha' hospital so you ain't gotta worry about that. And he let 'nyone who was messaging you know that you were feelin' a bit sick and were super busy. No one's really been buggin ya besides the simple hello n what not."

Nodding, you relaxed a little deeper in bed, letting out another sigh. You weren't sure how you felt about Donnie pretending to be you but it was needed. Besides, you could take it up with him later. "Why didn't you guys tell me how bad things were out there? I mean, I knew they were BAD but... you guys never talked about it."

Raphael gave a quick shrug of his shoulders, messing with one of his arm bandages. "To tell ya the truth, I don't know why my brotha's didn't tell ya. Think they were just worried if ya knew how scared you would be for them- Uh, us." He corrected, leaving his bandage alone. 

You nodded a little, sniffling. The hot soup was like honey every time you sipped some down. You could feel your throat being relieved with every drink you took and was glad you slept through most of the sickness. "I still would've liked to know. I know you guys are heroes and everything but you don't have to be ALL the time." You said, looking at the nearly empty bowl in your hand.

"Ah, well, it is what it is. It don't really matter 'nyway. Bein heroes of the city is kinda a full time job. Besides, ya gotta worry about gettin better first so I can get my bed back." 

You rolled your eyes playfully, finishing the rest of your soup before setting the bowl back on the tray. Drinking down most of your water, you made a show to Raphael that you saved the rest to take your medicine before swallowing and sticking your tongue out to him to prove you did so. 

He gave a huff of amusement, picking up the tray and heading out.

As you watched him go, you slowly looked down. The throbbing felt better, but even if you had seen the ninja first, you wouldn't have known what to do. It would've happened like everything else the rest of that night. Feeling helpless and scared. Furrowing your bow, you looked up to catch Raphael nearly out. "Raphael! Wait."

He stopped mid exit, glancing back at you. "Yeah? Ya need somethin?"

"N-no. Well, I mean... I want you to teach me how to fight." You said, noting the look of surprise on his face. "The other day I felt so helpless with everything that happened. I didn't like that feeling. I've taken a couple of classes and things before but if I'm not practicing it all the time or even good at it, there's no point. I want to get good at fighting, really good. I promise if you teach me I'll do everything you say." You said, looking up at him hopefully.

He looked down, considering it for a moment before shrugging. "If ya think you can handle it. Let me know when you're feelin better and we can get started." He said, leaving shortly after.

You felt your heart beat quicken, a grin spreading across your face. Flopping into his bed, you got cozy and attempted to sleep. He was going to teach you! Not only were you going to become a complete badass, It would give you both the chance to get closer as friends. 

Finally, it felt like you were getting somewhere with him. 

Taking a deep breath, you exhaled a soft sigh. Listening to the quiet sounds of the lair, you could hear the ever constant noises from the busy city above your head. The rumble of the subway, faint cars honking.

It was becoming your lullaby the longer you lived there. 

It made it easier to surrender to the nothing that came with sleep. Knowing that life was still going on, and you could become a part of it when you were ready. 

Smiling a little bit, you let yourself fall asleep to the nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while and this chapter was a little short. Life has been super busy but things are settling out and I'll be sure to upload more!


	4. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> noun  
> plural noun: feelings
> 
> 1.  
> an emotional state or reaction.  
> "a feeling of joy"

*Training? Dear God, why did I ever ask to get training.*

The day you were reduced to only coughing was when Raphael shoved you out of his bed and into the training room. It was more intense than anything you could've imagined. The things he was asking you to do seemed ridiculous and he always seemed mad at you for something you were doing wrong.

Your stance was too wide, your punches didn't hurt. You argued with him that your intention was never to hurt him but he would just counter with asking if you thought he couldn't take it. Then, go mocking about how you couldn't even hit him hard if you wanted.

The day you landed a kick right in his solar plexus was the day you went home grinning.

Then right after that, nailing a punch in the corner of his jaw that was definitely bruised up the next time you saw it.

You groaned, hanging your head back as you heard him shout at you. "Again! We're doing it again!" 

"Raphael I am exhausted!" You spat, looking at him with a look that could kill. Even hoping for a second that it would. "I was working all day long, taking enough crap from everyone else! I didn't need you threatening to stop training me if I didn't show today too!"

"God, you're so dramatic. I wasn't threatenin you. I said if ya ain't serious about it then I ain't gotta be wastin' my time trainin ya! And you not showing up means ya ain't serious! You complainin means ya ain't serious!" He stalked up to you, his ever tense body rigid with anger daunting over your frame. Reaching eye level with you, you could almost make out the small details in his mask you could've never seen before unless you were this close.

"Do ya think the foot clan cares if you're tired? Do ya think the purple dragons care if you're exhausted? They're bettin on it." He practically snarled in your face. 

The room got silent, his angry expression trying to break your pouty and equally angry expression as well. After seeing you weren't going to budge, he chuckled a little, shaking his head. "I knew ya couldn't do it." 

His voice was ever cold and mean, his demeanor able to carry those words to full effect. As he turned to walk away, you looked down to your feet.

He was right. He was training you out of the kindness of his heart. No. That didn't sound right. Because you had become a liability? It was easier to train you than lose you? Whatever reason, he was still doing it and you weren't taking it to its 100 percent.

You huffed. But you were! There were things you were doing that Raphael didn't even know! For him! For his training! 

"Raphael please come back. I'm sorry, let's do the training. I’ll do better, I'm ready." You said, your weak and tired voice barely breaking through the tense air in the room. You were being a baby and you knew it. It carried through your voice. But he was right. It was time you proved him wrong.

Raphael waved his hand dismissively, nearing the exit and his ticket to an early night in.

Before he had the chance to leave, he froze. Hearing the air being sliced next to his ear and the whirring of something flying past, his eyes trailed to the side. He didn't have to look far to see the throwing star embedded in the wall centimetres away from his head.  
He looked back to see you in a ready stance, waiting for your opponent.

"I said I'm ready." Your words were firm, and your expression was still hard and angry. This was the last day. The last day of him seeing you as someone who came for the training and nothing more. The last day he saw you as easy-going and bending to his will. Doing what you did to please him, not doing it for yourself.

*And no more complaining.* 

You were going to kick his ass.

"Y/n, cut it out. I said I'm done. You better quit before ya do somethin you're gonna-"

Another quick motion. You relied solely on the pivot of your foot as your body flowed through the stance. It was precise, quick, and effortless. You treated the throwing star as an extension of yourself, letting it flow through the movements. Relying on every muscle at work, it slipped through your fingertips that pointed where you wanted it to go, making it's mark on the other side of the wall behind Raphael, clipping his arm wraps.

He looked shocked, but that was it. There was no anger, there was no seething rage. Just shock. 

"Next time, I won't care where it lands."

* * *

The air in the lair shifted that day and kept shifting everyday after that. The brothers were surprised to see how well you two were getting off.

You arrived early, doing some routine stretches or stretches Raphael hadn't instructed you to do before. Sometimes, you were practicing your throwing stars. You confessed to Raph you had bought some yourself and made yourself practice an hour everyday since training had started. 

Early on, it was hard to keep pace with him. Now, you could outpace him if you wanted, being so small and agile. Your arms used to bruise when you parried his punches and kicks. Now, you did it barely budging and could counter him with ease. You were too fast and small for him, pinning him to the wall if you wanted. 

Sure, he wasn't giving you his 100% all the time. He was superior in many ways. 

But he was impressed with how well you could hold your own against him if you wanted. And the more and more exercises you did by yourself, the more you slowly revealed to him what else you could do, the more it drove him crazy. 

You were taking extra classes on the surface. Looking up extra forms, learning more and more things without him. You didn't need him as much. Your attitude had shifted from subservient to equal and it was really hot. You could take what he gave you and give it back.

You often found yourself smiling and Raphael grinning as you two went through movements and fighting. What was at first clumsy and unsure became steady and graceful. It became like dancing. You were having a lot of fun and you could tell Raphael was too. 

You always said hi to the brothers. Made quick small talk with each of them before your main target was always quickly revealed. Going to the training room, greeting Raphael if he was there or just getting started if he was already on patrol. At dinners, you two would come out for that. It wasn't the same of course. You would now carry a bit of attitude and sass that was either there before or picked up. Raphael would lean down, whisper something in your ear causing you to giggle or jab his side.

Still, you were you. Anything the brothers said to you or showed you, you always gave your 100 percent support and would chat fully with them on. You were kind, never judged, and still loved being with them and that showed. 

Yet, when Leo watched you from the kitchen or sitting on the couch, there was always an attitude shift. You stood up straighter when Raphael came in. Brushed against his sides like a cat, enticing him into the training room. Raphael's eyes would trail over you and your movements, and you used that to your advantage. 

Leo just had to be sure.

* * *

As you came into the training room, you were slightly surprised to see Leo there. He was going through some kata himself, as was his right. You still wondered why he was there though. He typically never was so close to you and Raphael training. 

"Hey Leo!" You greeted as you came closer, setting your stuff down in the usual spot. 

Leo glanced over at you quickly, his movements slow and steady. "Hey Y/n." He said back, his focus going back to his kata. 

Setting up swiftly, you were up and ready to begin your training, still noticing Raphael wasn't here yet. "Is he here?" You asked, glancing around.

Leo almost smirked. Almost. "Is who here?" His question came as coy as ever, making sure to isolate the fact that your attention was on someone else before you had the chance to make that obvious.

You blinked, heat prickling on your cheeks. "Oh, Um Raphael. Is he here?" You asked again, taking your place in front of Leo and beginning to stretch.

"Oh. Raphael." Leo said, smiling a bit. "No, he isn't here. Out patrolling. He might be a while so I thought we could catch up. See what you two have been up to in here." Leo said, his movements coming to an end with his sentence as he finished. 

You shrugged a little, nodding as you did your first round of stretches. "Sure thing Leo. What did you have in mind?" 

Leo watched you carefully, also giving a shrug of his shoulders. "How about sparring? Raphael says you're pretty good at keeping up with him." He stated, watching as you finished up stretching fast enough and bounced your head in agreement. 

"Sparring it is. Just don't complain if I hit you too hard." You teased, giving Leo that familiar warm smile as you slid into a stance.

Leo returned your eagerness and matched your stance, getting ready. 

He noticed that as you two slowly circled each other how relaxed your body was. You clearly weren't going to make the first move, so he was. He made a quick jab at you, which you ducked easily enough to return to your stance. Leo noted, making another move fast enough just for you to parry and return to your stance once more. Not breaking concentration, he lunged at you, going through a series of movements in which you all but gracefully evaded or carefully returned back to him before going in your stance yet again.

He stopped, standing up straight. "You're not impressing me."

Blinking as the fight had stopped so soon and feeling a little butt hurt, you huffed. "What do you mean I'm not impressing you? I dodged everything you gave me, that's impressive!" You snapped, watching as Leo calmly shrugged and grabbed a towel. 

"Sure, I'm PROUD that you learned so much I'm just not... impressed." He said again with a simple shrug, him evading the question like you did his movements all the more making you frustrated. 

"You're not making any sense, Leo. The fact that I can keep up with a ninja like you IS impressive. You're just being frustrating." You retorted, crossing your arms as you watched him. 

He took this time to lunge at you once more, trying to catch you off guard. He didn't, just allowing you to ease into another block as you two remained clashed. He pushed against you but you pushed back, both making eye contact. "I've SEEN you, y/n. I've seen the way you fight with Raphael. You do so much, trying to be quick and strong at the same time. Trying to surprise him and remain un-surprised at the same time. You're trying to impress him."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes a tad. "I have to impress him, Leo. If I don't hit him hard enough, I need to fix my stance. If I hit him too hard, I'm being reckless and need to control myself. If I don't impress him, he'll just call me weak."

Leo tilted his head, listening to your words carefully. "Before, you didn't care what he called you. You kind of hated him."

You huffed, trying to push him back more. "Okay, well, before he didn't offer to teach me. Before I didn't have anything to prove to him. Things change, is that so wrong?"

Leo smirked a little, watching you struggle. "You mean... feelings change?" 

You broke the clash, sliding away from him. "I do NOT like him!" You shouted angrily, noticing how quickly Leos smirk turned into a grin.

“I never said you did!” Leo said in defense, watching as you stomped around him. 

“You were suggesting! I like him. Which I don’t.” You said again, defensively. 

Leo shrugged again, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m just saying that feelings change, which I’m right. You two didn’t used to be friends, now you’re friends. You didn’t care what he thought about you, now you do. I never said you liked him. Just that nooowww… You like… being around him.” He concluded, looking back at you.

You were equally lost in thought, if not more. Of course your feelings had changed! Your guy’s relationship had obviously changed. You both really clicked, had a lot of common interests. Raphael would listen to you complain about what was bugging you, and you the same. If he wanted to talk about something interesting, you let him. Even if it was just to ramble. You guys were friends, nothing more!

You were sure he didn’t feel excited every time his phone lit up from a text from you. He probably didn’t feel the same rush you did when he guided you through a movement or looked at you a certain way. And you guaranteed he didn’t admiringly look at the figure of your body or curve of your muscles like you did his.

You blinked. *OhmyGod.*

Looking at Leo in realization, you could see the shit eating grin across his face. He watched you go from angry, to soft and smiling, then embarrassed as you realized how you felt. 

You huffed, now looking angry again as you packed up your stuff. “HE is an asshole and I do NOT like him!” You argued, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 

Leo watched you, kinda feeling bad you were leaving, but happy he was right. “You don’t have to be mad about it! I’m just saying it’s kinda obvious.”

You glared at him, heading out. “It is NOT obvious!” You retorted, refusing to look at him anymore as you left.

*Even if I did. Even if some part of me always liked him and was desperate for him to like me back, it would never work. He doesn’t want me the way I want him. He never will. All he’ll see me as is a burden.* 

Lost in thought, you were caught off guard seeing the rest of the brothers coming back from patrol, groaning silently. 

Mikey was the first to approach you, running over with a giant grin across his face as usual. “Hey! What’s up little dude! All ready for training, thats cool. Butttt what if you and I played some video games after!?” He suggested, circling you as you walked away.

“U-um I can’t Mikey. I have a bunch of homework I forgot to-”

“Homework! Oh finally, it’s about time we picked our brains! Shall we be reviewing trigonometric functions or chemical nomenclature?” Donnie piped up, looking at you excitedly while you gave him a forced smile. 

“It’s more of a field trip assignment, but I’ll get back to you Donnie-”  
“Field trip, eh?”

You paused, feeling your heartbeat quicken and face grow hot. Normally, you would stand your ground against Raphael. With your newly realized feelings, it was hard to look at him without feeling so weak. 

“Y-ep.” You said shortly, pursuing your lips. 

Raph watched you carefully, crossing his arms. “I don’t remember you havin to do a field trip kinda thing.” He said, watching as you rocked on your feet a little bit.

“Weellll with all this training I kinda forgot to mention it-”

“Where ya goin?” He interrupted. 

You huffed, now getting irritated that he was prodding. “I don’t know yet Raphael, I have a few choices. I need to look it over and get going, so bounce.” 

You did your best to play irritated. With the newly found respect you both had, he would typically understand your excuses and let you go when you had to leave early. 

Still, he could tell you were off. He noticed your water bottle sticking out of your bag and charger. You had planned to stay here for a while. Even if you had to go, you never objected to at least an hour’s worth of training. 

He chuckled as he heard your remark, coming closer to you. “Ya sure you don’t wanna stay at least for one hour?” 

You could feel the heat on your cheeks now as obvious. Refusing to look at him, you shoved past him and headed out. 

Raphael frowned. That was not the reaction he was expecting. Seeing his other brothers shrug it off and head to their respective rooms, Raphael caught up to you quickly.

Placing his hand on your shoulder, he felt you freeze a little and look back at him, the redness embellishing your cheeks for a splash of color.

“Y/n? Are ya okay?” 

The concern in his voice was obvious and you loved feeling this close to him. Turning back into him, you looked up at those gorgeous, green eyes of his. They were beautiful, so vibrant in color and stood out complementary to his mask. 

“Y-...Yeah Raphael… I’m fine… I just… wanted to say that…” You felt your body move closer to him, a hand laying on his chest. You didn’t look up at him, so you couldn’t see the expression on his face. But he didn’t move away. He made no reaction other than watch you carefully. 

“I really… I think that I…” The soft whisper of your voice was quiet and scared, making Raphael feel even more concerned and protective. But the way you touched him, the way your dainty hand felt on his chest. Your body could’ve molded into his like a glove if you wanted, his breath hitching as to what you had to say. 

Your eyes had moved up to meet his, but on their way, caught sight of Leo. He was leaning against the training room door frame, a big grin across his face.

You clutched your hand into a fist in anger, huffing and sharply turning away from Raph, leaving the lair.

Raphael blinked, looking back to see what had made you so angry. Seeing that Leo was gone, he looked down to where your hand had laid on his body. 

It made him feel different. Well, not any different than how he felt about you before. But a better different. Seeing the empty lair entrance, he silently wished you would come back.


	5. Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> noun  
> plural noun: thoughts
> 
> 1.  
> an idea or opinion produced by thinking, or occurring suddenly in the mind.  
> "Maggie had a sudden thought"

Letting the warm water run down your face was just what you needed. 

Standing in the shower, you pulled your silky drenched hair close to your body. It clung to your neck and you pressed it there, your head dropping back as you embraced the water and your thoughts.

*How long did I know?*

The subconscious attraction was always there. He was a turtle sure, but no doubt he was attractive. You couldn’t peel your eyes off those brawny arms or wide chest. 

*If you can even call it that.* You mused, shaking your head.

This was crazy! Your attraction was crazy. Even if you DID like him and he liked you back, how practical was this?

Your life would never be normal. You two could never have kids, never settle down somewhere nice. Would you live in the sewers your whole life? COULD you live in the sewers your whole life?

What happened when you got old? Would he live longer than you? Was his lifespan shorter?

You sighed, dropping your head.

*Are any of these thoughts worth my time?*

You saw the soul in his eyes. He was as human as anyone you encountered on the streets. He and his brothers had feelings, they cared for you. And they were struggling. They would never get the privilege to wonder what college they went to, where they could go on vacation. They didn’t get the luxury of just walking down the street just to do it!

They didn’t get to enjoy the beautiful things you could. Hell, if you wanted to see a butterfly, you could go see a butterfly!

You shook your head, laughing to yourself.

When would you even want to go see a butterfly!? 

That wasn’t the point. The point was with all your luxuries, they didn’t have any. It was selfish to just abandon them to enjoy a life as if they never existed. 

They did so much for others. Of course, you personally didn’t owe them anything. Especially not pity if that’s what you were feeling.

But that’s what made your realization more real.

You loved him. You really did. Those questions were just questions. Every question had an answer, and your answers would come with being with him. You felt lucky in so many ways. One of the biggest was that you got the chance to meet them and grow this close with them.

You had access to these beauties in the world and you could share them with the brothers if you wanted. And you did want to.

And you wanted Raphael. You wanted him more than anything. He made you feel whole. He made you feel alive. He ignited passions and feelings in you you never realized you had.

He was tough on you but you were grateful for it. He made you a better person, and you loved him for that.

Stepping out of the shower, you dried yourself off, noticing the light illuminating from your phone.

Picking it up, you felt your heartbeat quicken as you saw a text from Raph. He was asking how your field trip went and where you ended up going. Casual talk, nothing new to you or him.  
After you left the lair, you wandered around the city for a bit. You went to your favorite restaurant to get some take out. You relaxed as soon as you got home then hopped in the shower. You did have some homework, that part was true. It wasn't anything you couldn't knock out in an hour though.

Wrapping the towel loosely around your frame, you were going to answer when you got a call from Mikey.

You blinked, now feeling a little afraid. Mikey hardly ever called you. Something must be wrong.

Quickly picking it up, you were fast to start the conversation. 

“Hey Mikey, is everything okay?”

Mikey was quick to answer, seeming very eager and excited. “Yeah dude! Listen, I know you’ve been really busy and stuff but… I really miss hanging out with you…”

You bit your lip. Raphael had been eating up most of your time, but to be fair, he didn’t make it easy. When you had to study with Donnie, he would constantly be barging in. Asking questions, making you giggle. Shoving Donnie away, trying to teach you himself. Then, realizing you were getting nowhere, you would give in to whatever Raphael wanted to do. 

Meditating was the same. Trying to remain utterly focused was hard when Raphael knew exactly what to say to get under Leo’s skin. So much that Leo would grumble, 'maybe we could do this another time.' That would irk you, and you showed Raph by giving him a scolding and telling him to beat it. He never cared to listen though, just hounding you like a puppy until you agreed to train with him. Which always led to more bruises then usual since you were trying to teach him a lesson after all.

Mikey had it the worst. When you two played video games, Raphael would just sit on the couch and watch. Vocally. Saying how Mikey was doing this and that wrong, how you need to get this item, not that. Eventually just elbowing Mikey away until you two were the only ones playing. When you did ask Raph what was up his butt that he felt so entitled to all of your time, he would either ignore you or just say you two needed to train. 

Sighing, you now felt guilty. So much for your preachy thoughts on caring about all of the brothers. 

“I know Mikey, I’m sorry.” Hearing the sadness in his voice brought out the pain in yours. It made all the feelings more real and was definitely pushing you to the emotional side. 

“It’s okay, I understand but I was thinking we could all do something fun together! I know going out somewhere isn’t really an option but what if you, me, and the bros had a movie night! And you slept over afterwards! We could stay up allll night watching more movies and eating pizza and playing video games! Doesn’t that sound awesome?”

*The bros? All of them? Together? With Raph?*

You rubbed your forehead, now feeling anxious. After what happened, you weren’t sure if you were just quite ready to see Raphael again. Especially so soon. You were actually going to tell him you liked him! Just like that! You even touched his chest, how could you possibly back track that as something that wasn't intense as it actually was?

“I-I don’t know Mikey… I might have to move some stuff around… It could be awhile before I have real REAL free time to hang out like that, you know?”

“Oh… Okay… I mean, yeah, uh, like I said I get it…”

*God. I’m such a dick.*

Sucking it up, you couldn’t bear the sadness in his voice and your excuses. 

“Actually, you know what, I think I can get someone to cover for me! I can definitely do Friday if you wanna-”

“YES DUDE! I’ll tell all the bros to get everything ready for Friday! This is going to be so dope they’re gonna be so excited to see you-”

You blinked as you realized Mikey hung up. Nearing the end of the sentence, it sounded like he wasn’t talking to you anymore. More like he had just jumped with excitement and started running around the lair planning. While talking to himself excitedly.

You sighed, shaking your head and laughing a little. He was such a kid.

Still, you weren’t sure if your feelings for Friday were excitement or nervousness.

* * *

You admit your feet were dragging a bit as you walked down the sewers. And you will also admit you dolled up a little more than usual. You would make the excuse you had somewhere very important to be earlier and were just looking extra cute because of that.

But you were actually a big fat liar and just wanted to look extra nice for Raph. 

You showered, shaved, brushed your teeth twice. Extra mouthwash, extra cute pajamas. Perfume? Check. Deodorant? Check. Your favorite matching underwear set?

You felt your cheeks grow hot. You were sure you weren't going to need it, but confidence ya know?

While your mind was bustling with thoughts of Raphael, you did remember to think about the other brothers as well. You brought some movies they might like that weren’t on any movie apps you had.  
Brought some snacks. Some you made, some you just bought. You even brought some of your favorite video and board games. You didn't think the board games were going to be a huge hit, but it didn't hurt to bring them along anyway.

You really weren’t sure what else you could’ve done to prepare for tonight. And if you planned on staying up most of the night anyway, dolling up wouldn't be such a waste. You did have work today, but did find someone to cover. You slept in and had a relaxing, slow day to extra prep for the long night ahead.

Expelling a deep sigh, you tried to ease your tensions. It was just a sleepover. You’ve done those before.

But you did admit that you were evading Raphael’s text messages a little bit.

You winced internally. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed how lazy you’d been in your response time and responses in general. 

Freezing, you paused in your tracks. You listened quietly, slowly getting into a stance that had you prepared for anything. You were deep into the sewers at this point, but a little ways away from the lair.  
You could've sworn you heard some sort of growl rattling through the tunnels and the splash of water. 

Dammit. If you weren't so distracted you could've known for sure. 

Your body was still as could be, every muscle poised and ready for anything. The news was blowing up with stories of disfigured monsters. Creatures out of horror movies, terrorizing the city to go howling off into the night or slink into the sewers. 

*Mutants.*

Standing up straight, your eyebrows narrowed and you peered into the ever twisting and maze like tunnels. 

*The difference between prey and predator is fear. One feels it and one lives it.*

You listened to the quiet dripping of water far off. The ever occasional scuttle of a rat. You weren't so scared and helpless anymore. You were trained and ready.

*I'm not the one who should be afraid.*

It felt like a long while before it felt safe to move again. The tense stand still between you and maybe what was just your imagination broke when your phone buzzed from a text. Hesitating for a second, you checked your phone to see Mikey was asking where you were. 

Your eyes drifted away from the screen and swept over the sewers one last time. Nothing had changed. Just the urgency you now felt to get to the lair. 

Tucking your phone away, you continued down your path to the lair. 

Sucking in your cheeks as you approached, you weren't sure what you'd rather deal with. An imaginary sewer monster or your feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter was a little bit boring. The more I continued, the longer it got and I didn't want a supperrr long chapter with everything thrown in at once! I also love slow burn romances and cliff hangers so I hope you enjoy! :)


	6. Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> con·fused  
> /kənˈfyo͞ozd/
> 
> adjective  
> (of a person) unable to think clearly; bewildered.  
> "she was utterly confused about what had just happened"

Your worries faded away as soon as they came upon entering the lair. Mikey had run up to you and bundled you into a tight hug that had you tapping out for air. 

He grinned sheepishly but just about lost his mind when he saw all the treats you brought for them. Then you were greeted by Donnie, who was very happy to see you as well. In his hands was a small invention he was toying with. It wasn’t uncommon for Donnie to have something like this every so often you came in.

“Hey Y/n! It’s good to have you back around here! Tell me, what upcoming tests do you have?”

Mikey had slipped away from you to go grab his share of goodies that he had accumulated for the night, leaving you two to chat.

You set your items on the table, flashing a smile at Donnie. “Well, I have a chemistry final coming soon and then a calculus final right after. You know, exciting stuff.” You said with a dreading sigh and fake enthusiasm. Poor Donnie could hardly tell as he nodded eagerly. 

“Yes, very exciting! You’re so lucky…” He sighed sadly, making you pause. 

Yes, you were very lucky. 

Looking at Donnie, you smiled at him again. “Good thing I have the best tutor in the world! We can go over anything as many times as you like.”

Donnie grinned and nodded, whatever gadget he was fiddling with in his hand setting aside. “Finals huh. So that means that you’re almost done with the school year?”

You bounced your head in response, glancing up at Donnie. “Right as always Don. I’m nearly finished with school entirely! Unless I wanted to go again but I don’t think I will.”

Donnie nodded, tilting his head. “Once you do obtain your degree, do you think you’ll leave?”

You paused midway setting things out. “Leave? I didn’t think about… Leaving…”

The look of concern instantly flooded your face and expression. Your internship had ended not too long ago and you had put in a few job applications in your field with the promise of you having your degree. Not a single bite. Your parents had grinded the fact that your field was a little tricky to get a job in, especially in such a competitive, thriving city. 

You scratched your head, obviously lost in thought. 

Donnie blinked, realizing the train of thought he just threw you on. He meant no malicious intent by it of course. Being the planner he was, he would’ve mapped out just about every hour in school, what he would have studied and where. Of course, you weren’t him and the difference in that scenario is he wouldn’t be a… mutant. 

Clearing his throat, you looked up at him and he laid his hand on your shoulder. “Maybe we can save that conversation for another time. But, no matter where you go, we’ll all support you.” 

You smiled weakly. His words brought comfort but your heart ached. You didn’t want to leave them! But you couldn’t possibly stay here forever if you couldn’t get a job.

The tension was beginning to settle in the air, but thankfully, the most happy and cheerful person you ever knew came in soon enough.

Mikey grinned, setting everything on the table. “Alright bros. I told Leo you were here and he said it might be another hour until he and Raph come back but that's okay! I got my favorite set of movies and video games until they come back. What should we do first?”

Turning your gaze upon Mikey, a gentler smile crossed your face. “Whatever you want to do first.”

* * *

Horror was tolerable. A favorite of yours? When you’re in the mood for it, sure. 

Hiding behind Donnie on the couch, you three had been quite the chatterboxes until the haunting music and jumpscares started. Now, you three were dead silent. Watching the horrors unfold on the TV, Mikey was clutching a blanket close to his chest so that he could bring to his face whenever he needed. He played it off as a “cough” that he had suddenly picked up as soon as the movie started. 

You were sitting next to Donnie and would cover your eyes when something you didn’t want to see happened. It turned into you grabbing his arm to you slowly scooting closer and closer until you were cowering behind the back of his shell. Donnie had found comfort in you being so close but didn’t want to be taking the blunt of the horror. 

You all jumped and did your own respective cowering when something happened you all didn’t particularly want to see happen. Jumping again, you all heard the sound of something outside of the sewer. 

“Did you hear that?” Donnie whispered, you and him slowly looking toward the entrance of the lair where another resounding BANG! emitted. 

You nodded quietly, Mikey still cowering under his blanket. 

“Mikey… are you pranking us…?” You asked slowly, Donnie having paused the TV.

“No dude. I haven’t left this spot since the movie started.” His voice started out muffled being in his blanket cocoon but his head popped out midway to nervously look to the lair’s entrance. 

“Donnie..?” You questioned, not taking your eyes away from the now extremely dark sewers. 

“The probability of us watching a horror movie out of all respective genres, including thriller adhering to the main genres, which I’ll roughly say is 20, is 0.1%. Thus giving me a 0.1% motive to prank you all based on us watching a horror movie at this very second. Besides, this is totally something Mikey would do.”

“Makes sense.” 

“It’s not ME!” Mikey shouted, a loud banging noise coming from the sewers yet again. 

“M-maybe it’s Leo and Raph. They should be back by now.”

Donnie nodded. “Those two can be a devious pair when they decide to stop arguing. I-I’ll give them a call.” 

As he pulled out his phone and began dialing, your mind flashed to earlier. You bit your lip, deciding to voice your concern. 

“A-... Actually guys. When I was on my way here earlier… I thought I heard something out there.” 

Both of the brothers' heads shot in your direction, looking horrified. 

“Dude! Why didn’t you say something earlier!?”

“If you’re in on this-”

“I swear I’m not!” You said quickly in defense. “I dunno, I was walking alone and sometimes you think you hear something in the sewers, ya know!? It was probably just a rat, honest!” 

Leo had picked up, his voice over the phone breaking through the commotion. “Donnie? What’s up?”

Donnie took a second to clear his throat before speaking to ensure the total fear wasn’t present. “Leo! Donnie calling. Aha...Uhm… Just wanted to know when you would be home? Hopefully soon right?”

“Yeah Donnie. We’re headed back now, almost to the sewers. Why is everything okay?” 

A loud, gruelling scream erupted from the sewers. It rattled off the tunnel walls and resounded into the lair, sealing the deal for all of you.

“Yup. Just peachy.” 

“RUN DUDES!” Mikey shouted, leaping off the couch with you in toe. 

You had grabbed a pillow while Mikey was running around screaming, looking for something to fight with as you both came into the kitchen. You both paused, hearing Donnie start screaming. Looking at each other, you pressed on either side of the kitchen wall. 

“Oh God… I was so close to getting my degree, I don’t wanna die now!”

Mikey looked at you, quietly whimpering. “Me neither dude. I haven’t done all the stuff I wanna do yet! You’re a trained ninja right? Can’t you take care of it?”

You blinked, looking at Mikey. “Mikey!” You hissed sharply. “I’ve been a ninja for like 3 months! You’ve been a ninja your whole life!” 

Mikey nodded, swallowing hard. “You’re right, you’re right. Okay… I’ll go save Donnie…”

He looked at you, nothing but true fear reflecting in his eyes. “Go. Get your degree.” 

And with that, he ran out in the living room, the only thing you can hear being his valiant screaming before turning into one of pure terror.

Groaning, you dropped your head back against the wall. Realizing your weapon was a tightly clutched pillow, you figured you didn’t have time to grab anything else even if you wanted. 

*Maybe Raphael seeing my dead body will turn into a Romeo, Juliette thing.*

You winced.

*Although I don’t want him to kill himself, just be upset. Okay, stress makes me weird. Better go die a hero I guess.*

And with that, you rounded the corner and let out your own form of what might’ve been a battle cry. Seeing Mikey being ascended into the air by a large, familiar, figure. You didn’t think. Just barreled full force into the creature which let out a startled -oomph!- as you two tousled for dominance on the ground. Maybe it was your element of surprise or lack of motivation from your opponent, but you managed to straddle them to the ground. Panting, you looked down to see Raphael grinning up at you, the excitement of it all simply exhilarating from him. 

Your look of shock earned a hearty laugh from the turtle. “Hey Short-stack. Nice pillow. Ya gonna beat me ta death with it?”

You blinked, your look of shock quickly transfixing into one of anger as you started to mercilessly beat him with the pillow. 

“Raphael you-OW!- ass- OW!- hole! -OW!- I was-OW!- so-OW!- fucking-OW!- scared-OW!- you’re not-OW!- FUNNY!-OW!-”

Raphaels muscular arms were pathetically flailing about as your barrage of assault rained down upon him. Once you felt his lesson learned, you huffed angrily at him and threw the pillow down on his face for good measure before getting up to check on Mikey. He was whining and rubbing his butt as Raphael had dropped him a good few feet in the air after you took him down. 

Raphael dragged the pillow off his face, laughing uncontrollably as you helped Mikey up.

Leo was in the front, laughing at Donnie and teasing him about being scared while Donnie mumbled his arguments in return, looking very grumpy. 

You huffed and turned away, crossing your arms as the laughing mess had gotten up and approached you, a stupid grin across his face.

“Awwww c’mon Y/n. I was just makin’ the night a little more fun. C’moonnn, hangin’ out with these two couldn’t possibly be as fun as hangin’ out wit’ me. I’m sure ya were a little bored.”

He tried to bend over and get a gauge at your expression but you quickly snapped your head in the other direction, refusing to look at him. 

“WE were having a lot more fun before you came in here and tried to give us all heart attacks.”

Raphael snorted, rolling his eyes and trying to get you to look at him once more. “Watchin a horror movie was pretty much askin’ ta be scared, don’tcha think?” 

You looked over your nails, searching for any flaws or imperfections to busy your eyes away from him. “By a movie, Raphael, not some giant mutant sewer monster.”

Raphael playfully whimpered, which did make you feel a little bit bad. “You think of me as some sewer monster? Well…” He bent close to your ear, leaving very little space between his body and yours. “This sewer monster is gettin a little hungry…”

The deep rumble in his words poured into your ears like honey. His voice had a sort of growling tone in it, something you’d never heard before. It made your legs weak and your sudden slack in composure was all Raphael needed.

Grabbing you by your waist, you let out a shriek of surprise as he gently swung you up in the air and lowered you to the ground. With a wicked grin across his face, he held you there, giving you a look you knew all too well. 

“No, Raphael,” You pleaded, starting to panic. “Please don’t tickle me! Besides, you're way more ticklish than I am- AHAHA!” 

Raphael ignored your panicked words that clumsily tumbled out of your mouth, tickling your sides as you squealed and laughed uncontrollably. 

Kicking and thrashing, you tried to land a few good kicks to his stomach or chest to get him to stop but to no avail. 

Raphael was having the time of his life when a throat clear broke your guy’s little game. Both of you now stopping, looked up to see all three of the brothers giving you each a look. Leo had that stupid “I’m right” look on his face, as you expected. Donnie seemed shocked, and Mikey gushing internally about how cute you looked together. 

Feeling your cheeks flush with color, you swiftly kneed Raphael in his solar plexus. He was immediately winded, releasing you and coughing for air. You winced a little, kneeing him harder than expected but it was partly just a reflex as well. Getting up, you brushed yourself off while Raphael grudgingly stood up next to you. 

Leo had looked about ready to make a remark when you swiftly interrupted him, not wanting to be reminded of why you were so stressed out to come here in the first place. “Are we gonna play a game? Or eat? I’m really hungry from all that… screaming...”

* * *

The rest of the night was going smoothly just as you had hoped. Everyone was getting along and Leo and Raph were quickly forgiven for scaring you all half to death. When it was time for dinner, pizza of course, Raphael sat down at the table and semi glanced at you expectantly. You took a place next to Mikey, which made him elated. Raph seemed to brush it off, though you weren’t really sure as you didn’t look at him.

You all decided to watch another movie, something not as scary. Again, you took a place besides Donnie and Mikey, who were more than happy to entertain you with jokes and noises. Raphael had his arms crossed on his end of the couch and made no real effort to try and sweep you away again. 

You were still a bit hungry though. More into the movie, you got up while Donnie and Mikey were in a heated discussion about nothing in particular. Quietly, you slipped into the kitchen so as to not disturb anyone and scoured your assortment of goodies as to what you would eat. 

Humming, you picked something out and was about to head back when Raphael had came into the kitchen. 

“Hey Raph!” You greeted cheerily. “How was patrol? I forgot to ask.”

Raphael only made a dismissive noise, not answering your question. Once he got a drink, he came to the table only to go to the opposite end and get another slice of pizza. 

You blinked. You hadn’t felt this way since he started acting like this in the beginning. “Listen, Raph, if this is about kneeing you in the chest earlier I’m sorry. To be fair, you always told me to hit you harder.” You said teasingly, hoping to cox some reaction out of him. 

Raphael got a plate and made a move to head out once he had gotten everything he wanted. 

You scoffed, getting more irritated by the second. You grabbed his arm, trying to keep him put. “Raphael what’s up with you! Why are you ignoring me?”

Raphael stopped, huffing and yanking his arm away from you. “Me ignorin you?! What about you ignorin me?” He snapped, turning to face you.

You rubbed your forehead, not believing his outburst. “What, because I sat next to Mikey at dinner and I’m sitting with them and Donnie on the couch? You’re being such a child, Raph! You and I always hang out. I'm just trying to spend time with them too!” 

Raphael rolled his eyes, setting his items back down on the table. “If ya wanted ta hang out with them so much, why didn’t ya just invite them over to your house where you could giggle and flirt with them all night long?” 

“Flirt!?” Now you really couldn’t believe what he was saying. “If you think that’s flirting then I don’t know what you think REAL flirting is. We’re just hanging out Raph! Am I not allowed to talk to your brothers or laugh when they say something funny!?” 

“No! Not when ya laugh like that! Plus, you’re sitting too close them ‘nyway and ya look too good. You’re sending ‘em mixed messages.” He argued, sounding a little flabbergasted at first but managed to recover.

“Sooo… you’re jealous?”

“What? I’m not jealous, y/n.”

“Really? Because you sound really jealous to me.”

Raphael rolled his eyes, staring down at you irritatedly. “I could care less whether or not ya like ‘em or they like you. I don’t want ‘em datin a girl like you ‘nyway. I don’t want ya breakin’ their hearts ‘n makin ‘em all sad and things bein awkward and it bein’ your fault!” 

You felt pained. “Well, I think you’d be happy to know my type doesn’t come with green skin or a shell! I don’t like ANY-” Your finger jabbed at his chest for emphasis, feeling your eyes growing wet with tears. “Of you like that and I hope you’re happy to know I actually have a date this Sunday!” 

“Oh really?” Raphael was getting angrier by the second, and that seemed to help push him over the edge. You didn’t know why you were both so angry, especially him. It was like you both had feelings that were just coming out the wrong way. 

“I DO! Who knows!? He could be my future husband! Anyone without anger issues could be!” You yelled, throwing your hands up in the air and heading off to the bathroom. 

Raphael slammed his fist on the table. “So run off then! Go to your Prince Charming! Leave, see if I care!”

Before you left, you turned sharply on your heels, tears slipping from your eyes and settling on your cheeks. “I wish you did care! I wish you cared about me like how I care about you! Then maybe things wouldn’t have gotten bad like this in the first place.” 

You were crying now, and Raphael was taken back. His angry expression fell into one of surprise and a soft sadness. “Y/n…” 

Turning away from him, you hugged your arms close to yourself. “I wish you loved me…” 

Raphael didn’t have a moment to respond as you swiftly left for the bathroom and Mikey came in, promptly asking Raphael if everything was okay and what had happened. 

You quickly made your way to the bathroom, locking yourself in once you got there. You controlled your breathing to prevent from crying, staring at your reflection in the mirror. You said you wouldn’t let Raph get to you, especially when tonight was supposed to be fun.

*Him hating me isn’t going to change anything. He can be a jealous, insecure ass all he wants! Nothing will change.* You sniffled, looking down into the sink and closing your eyes. 

*His feelings won’t change.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's been a reallylylylylyly long time since I updated! Life is just gettin busier and busier and my mental health has been? Sub par to say the least? But I hope you guys enjoy this! I'll have more coming out soon~ ♥️


	7. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /tro͞oTH/
> 
> noun  
> the quality or state of being true.  
> "he had to accept the truth of her accusation"

"Gone? How long has he been gone?" You asked Mikey over the phone, chewing on your bottom lip. You were in the middle of making lunch when he called.

"I dunno dude. When he walked out last Friday after your guy's argument, he just never came home. It's been a full day now, but he still isn't back..." Mikey trailed off, his voice laid thick with emotion. 

Guilt churned in your stomach. Maybe if you hadn't blown up at Raph, things wouldn't have been this way. Maybe it was your fault. You still had to wrap your head around the fact that you told him you loved him and expected some giant feat of romantic heroism from him. Nothing happened afterwards. You came out of the bathroom with a forced smile, saying it was nothing more than another silly little squabble. Raph had left and said Casey had texted him, so the 4 of you continued on with the night without him. It was still fun of course, but your mood was definitely a little off the rest of the time you were there. 

Saturday, you left around the afternoon and stayed in contact with each of the respective brothers who raved about a good time they had. Their enthusiasm was exactly why you wanted to go and why it was so easy to push thoughts about Raph to the back of your mind. That was until right now. 

Besides, you were also distracted about proving yourself right and him wrong. You figured he probably left to find some way to let you down without breaking your heart. He probably left so he didn't have to deal with you, but it justified your actions all the more. You had found a date just like you said you would. It was later on tonight at 6. It couldn't go too late, you both had work in the morning.

And you were definitely NOT planning on going to his house or bringing him to yours later. He was cute but not cute enough to jeopardize your feelings even more. That wasn't like you anyway.

Sighing, you rubbed your temple in mid stress. "It's probably my fault, Mikey. If we didn't have that stupid argument, I bet he would've stayed home."

"No way dude, it's just Raph. He's always been kind of a loner. Maybe he did just want some guy time with Casey." 

You let your eyes wander to the TV that idly played in your apartment. Someone else had just been kidnapped and their family was worried sick. It was a young boy. Playing in his room one minute, then snatched up out the window the next. Things were starting to feel more and more unsafe. 

"Yeah. He can take care of himself out there Mikey. I wouldn't worry about it. You guys should also be more safe. With everything happening you know there's going to be more police out at night." 

"We will dude. Let us know if you need anything, okay bro?" 

You smiled. They were always so thoughtful. "Of course, Mikey. Take care."

You both hung up and you sighed, crossing your arms with your phone in your hand and leaning against the wall. You were lying through your teeth. Sure Raphael could take care of himself but his brothers had every right to be worried. If only you hadn't gotten into that fight...

Yet, forgetting the thoughts from that night was easy enough as you quickly busied yourself with preparations for your date. Now really wasn’t the time to worry, as much as you wanted to.

First, the date. Then, Raphael.

You wanted to get more dolled up than usual, thus required some extra time to get ready.

Searching in your closet, you decided on a beautiful silver wrap dress you were saving for a fun night. It was velvet and had a lace backing you decided was flirty, but not too flirty. Besides of course, the sexy cowl neck and its amazing fit on your perfect body, you really hoped it wasn't too much. The shiny silver fabric matched beautifully with a diamond choker you fastened around your neck. 

Maybe you watched a makeup tutorial for one of the latest trends, who's to say. If you did, you smiled proudly at the end result. Normally, you wouldn't have such high hopes for a first time tutorial looking THIS good! 

*Maybe it's just my lucky night.*

Before you left, you grabbed a purse big enough to hold a couple of throwing stars and some pepper spray. You didn’t want to brag to your date you were a ninja in training but hey, maybe he likes ninjas. You sure did. 

You didn't want to think of it, but if Raphael didn't like you, you wouldn't force him to. Maybe finding someone else to be a distraction was a good transition for your heart to move on. 

As much as you didn't want to.

* * *

*Oh. My. God. Does this guy ever stop talking?* 

You watched as your mess of a date stuffed food into his mouth. Jesus, this guy could not stop eating or talking!

When you first saw your date, you were impressed by the well groomed man that stood before you. The pictures and his actual appearance were pretty much what you expected. You could feel his eyes drifting over your body, taking every inch of you in. You didn’t really notice all the looks you got as you passed by, but he was obvious. 

You two greeted each other with diplomatic formalities before settling on a restaurant you both liked. You just weren’t fully ready for the nightmare that promptly assumed afterwards.

He immediately started to ramble about something you had no idea about. He asked your opinion briefly about it, to which you gave a very confused “uhhh-”, only for him to cut you off again. You pouted and rested your cheek in your hand as you watched him continue.

He talked with a vigor and in-depthness you could appreciate, but really, about what? You had no clue. He was able to take a breath to place his order and even asked some questions about you.

You answered each question and tried to get a conversation going, but he would only respond with a thoughtful ‘mmm’ and continued on about whatever he was rambling about.

You wish you had closer friends to come save you from this horrendous evening, but ever since you moved to New York, all your energy and efforts were towards school and a job. And then your efforts for friendship went to the turtles, who would only make more a scene by bursting in to save you. 

Looking down at your plate, you realized watching him eat had caused you not to even work up an appetite. The thought of his chewed up food turning in his mouth nearly caused you to vomit. 

*Guess I’ll just make due.*

Sitting through that date was like sitting through your least favorite class at school. You had to occupy your time by looking at each set of people and making up stories to why they were there. You raced water droplets that slid down the frame of your cold drink, tried to time when the waiters would come out, and even did the math for your portion of the meal in your head. You were sure you were wrong, but doing it in your head definitely killed the time. 

He did catch your inattentiveness once or twice during the dinner and asked if you were okay or paying attention. If you got lucky, you caught the last word he said and would steer him back into his own little world. Other times, you were just honest and sheepishly apologized, egging him to continue on with his conversation. 

You almost gave an audible sigh of relief when the waiter finally brought over the check. You quickly asked for your side of the bill and paid with a nice tip. You didn’t want this guy to try and guilt trip you into another date by bringing up the fact that he paid for it and you certainly had no problem paying for your portion when the dinner felt so one sided anyway. Your waiter brought you a box and you were thrilled to enjoy this delicious food at home. Alone. 

The rest of that evening felt like a blur as you both walked out and he continued talking. He kept talking, and talking and talking and-

“Y/N?”

You blinked, realizing you were both outside. Looking at him, you felt your cheeks rush with heat in embarrassment as he caught you one last time. 

“You okay?”

Shaking your head, you came to and cleared your throat. “O-oh yeah! I’m sorry, I was listening but then just thought about getting home. I didn’t mean to space out.”

“Oh, yeah, you seem kinda empty in the head up there, huh? Kinda like a hot air balloon. Had to keep reeling you back into the conversation it felt like. Which is a shame because I was giving you such great advice and telling you all these stories. I guess that’s just women huh? You’re always thinking about nonsense you can’t even focus on the conversation at hand! Probably also couldn’t handle how much of a man I am either since we didn’t even have a mind intriguing conversation.”

You felt anger rise up in your stomach to color your face as he spoke to you. Clenching your fist, you were tempted to just let him have it.

“Oh, sorry, silly me. I guess I’m just soo intellectually challenged that your… so trivial conversation was too much for me to comprehend.” 

His eyebrow raised at you questioningly. “Trivial? Meaning…?”

“Oh! You know! Trivial! Like trivia, duh. You know so much about everything obviously, so your conversations were trivial!” You got away with that. Ha. 

He beamed at the ‘compliment’ and straightened out. “Well, I guess I am pretty amazing. I probably should enter in one of those game shows, huh?”

You gave a tight smile, just wanting to leave already. “They’d love ya.” 

He returned your fake smile with a much more gracious one. “Well, normally I’d ask for a second date since you are gorgeous but I do like a woman with a little more… ah, going on up there?” He said, not really seeming ashamed by his mannerisms. 

You gave a sweet smile and a hum of acknowledgment. “Oh, definitely! No worries! I’m sure it must be hard trying to find a girl so willing to embarrass herself trying to compete with your level of intellect.”

He sighed dramatically and pushed his hair from his face. “Yeah, it can be a challenge. But hey, you’re really cute like I said so if you ever need any sort of… stimulation… just let me know.”

He gave you a wink like he had just swept you off your feet and walked off, leaving you to comprehend the magnificence that was him.

When he was gone, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. *Oh God, what a date! I definitely can not wait to talk about this one in the future.* He really was good for nothing but a funny story.

Sighing to relieve your cramping sides from all the laughter, you happily headed back home. The night was beautiful and your date had lasted only about an hour and a half. You felt a tad disappointed it wasn't even bearable for you two to do more. You were so dressed up it was upsetting! You never got to look like this anymore and now you had to go home… 

Pouting, your eyes wandered across the parallel streets. Despite how early in the night it was, no one was really out. 

*For good reason. It's still dangerous to be out.*

Sighing once more, you decided to tempt fate and walk home. It wasn't that far. You originally took the bus for comfort but it was about a 2 minute drive. Now, you felt like a shining diamond walking home. So temptingly deceptive. 

*Try. Just go ahead and try to kidnap me.*

Anger started to slightly rise in your gut. As much as you were kidding and knew it was a bad idea to try and get kidnapped, part of you wished the cowards who stole innocent children from their houses and who hurt defenseless people on the street would show. 

Hearing a clang from an alleyway you were passing made you freeze. You paused, turning your head sharply in the direction of the noise. Squinting your eyes in the darkness, you saw nothing out of the ordinary besides the dumpsters and piled up trash along the brick wall. The filth made you crinkle your nose, but you were tempted in. Your eyes flickered over everything briefly, trying to spot what fell. 

It came down to nothing really then misplacement that happened to give when you came by. Turning on your heels, you had to gasp for breath as a hand quickly covered your mouth and gently grabbed your left wrist.

You froze, and for a second, all your tough talk went out the window. Once that second had passed, your body made quick motion into a delivering move but a chuckle stopped you soon enough. 

"Its not safe alone out this late at night. Whaddaya doin in this alleyway dressed up like that 'nway, huh?"

You sighed in relief for many reasons. You knew that second of hesitation would have cost you in a real fight. You needed to work on that. The second part of relief was from Raphael's voice that quelled your subconscious fears you had subsided earlier. He was okay. 

Gently prying his fingers off from your mouth with your free hand, you huffed irritatedly. "Maybe like someone else, I was looking for trouble."

"Yeah, well, yer gonna find the wrong kinda trouble dressed like that goin inta places like this."

Before you could say anything, he removed any kind of grip he had on you before sweeping you up in a bridal carry. Your only response was to quickly wrap your arms around his neck as he carried you up to the rooftops. 

You let your eyes wander over the glistening city. With all of its flaws and imperfections, it was still gorgeous. The buildings were competing for light with the night sky, if you could even see it. Which was just as well since the city was just as shiny and beautiful. 

You felt a smile tug at the corner of your lips and turned your attention back to Raphael as you two came to the rooftop. 

He set you down and you slid from his arms gracefully, using your fluid motion to wander over to the edges of the roof and look out once again.

He came up beside you, beginning to stare with you. "I dunno if ya ever been on a rooftop before. Especially at night. Sorry if we haven't taken ya."

You smiled a little bit more at his apology, but replaced it quickly with a frown as your negative feelings seeped in. "Raphael, where have you been? You know how dangerous it's been and you just disappeared on all of us! Your brothers have been worried sick!"

You both turned to look at each other once your words started pouring out and you could see Raphael recoil in his expression. The pain in yours was obvious. He had hurt you so much more than you could explain. It really felt like he was at the end of dealing with you when he would rather just leave for days then deal with you and your feelings. It made your eyes feel a bit watery but your determination to hold your composure was strong. 

He inhaled deeply and gave out a shallow, shaky sigh. "Listen, I um… I'm really sorry-"

“Well, don’t apologize to me! I don’t need it, it’s your brothers who have been worried sick..” You cut him off quickly and turned your back to him. You weren’t ready for it. You weren’t ready for the rejection he was going to bring. 

“Just go home and tell them, I’m sure they’ll be happy to see y-” You crossed your arms and tucked them in deeply to your stomach which felt sick and caused your chest to ache. Hugging your elbows for comfort, you could feel the rough skin of Raphael's fingers as he brushed over yours before gently holding onto your elbow with his thumb and pointer finger. 

“Can ya please let me finish? I got more ta say.” 

He didn’t make you look at him. Just tried to hold you there as gently as he possibly could. 

You couldn’t bear it, but needed to hear it. Giving a quiet nod, he started again, now releasing his grip from you. 

“First off, ta be fair, Casey really did wanna hang out ‘n I needed ta clear my head. When ya told me ya loved me the otha night… I didn’t know what ta say. When we first met, I was expectin the usual reaction of screamin’ and callin us freaks. Maybe throwin somethin at our faces for savin ya but you were so… okay, with us. No screamin, no runnin. And then ya became our friend. It really felt like ya were my brothers friends first because honestly… I didn’t want ya.” 

You shut your eyes tightly. You knew how you would’ve felt back then hearing that. Duh! Obviously! You treated me like shit, that part was obvious!

But now it just hurt. It really, really, hurt. 

“But… Why? You have April and Casey as friends. They’re human, what’s the difference?”

“Well, Casey ‘n April reacted just as I expected! They kinda freaked out and ya didn’t really do that! And I know ya meant well by it now, but back then I was so confused.”

At this point you felt the courage to turn back and look at Raphael. He had turned back towards the front, looking out at the city. The way his expression moved through each word, you knew it was tough for him to express himself like this. To anyone. Especially you. 

“Ya were just… so chill. And cool, and gorgeous, and funny. I had no idea what ya wanted with a bunch of freaks like us. How could ya accept us so fast? I felt like I always had ta be defensive. I couldn’t let ya in. My brother’s aint like me, that’s obvious so when they got hurt, I wanted ta be the one who was there for them. When ya left us, finally turned on us like I was waitin for… I woulda been the one who was… immune I guess. Who was waitin for the inevitable and could maybe rub it in Leos face a lil but… Just… It felt too good to be true.” 

He turned towards you, his expression looking so pained. “You were too good ta be true.” 

Your breath hitched and you felt your heart stopped dead in its tracks. You knew they had their fair share of difficulties trying to make friends and it not working out. You never really considered Raphael putting up boundaries so he didn’t get hurt. 

“The pain of gettin close to someone like you then losin you for whateva reason was somethin... I… wasn’t ready ta deal with. I didn’t know how much ya cared about all of us, especially me, a fat jerk until that day when you… Ya saved my life, Y/n. I don’t know what coulda happened to me if ya weren’t there. At that point I realized how much ya meant to my brothers and how much they meant ta ya. So when ya got sick, I didn’t wanna ruin the real friendship ya guys made. So I offered to teach ya ninjitsu. Just so you could take care of yourself a bit more out there.” 

He turned away from you again. You didn’t know it was because this part was harder to say facing you.

“I knew how I felt about ya. I knew what coulda happened if I let ya in like my brothers did. But you were just so temptin. It was so easy to give in ta my feelings about ya. I didn’t know what ta say ta ya when you told me you loved me because… I love ya too. I love you so much, y/n. I hated seein my brothers make ya laugh. I hated you givin ‘nyone but me your attention. I craved you every single day. I wanted ya every single day. Trainin with you was the closest I ever felt like I was gonna get with ya. Especially after how I was actin towards you in the beginnin.” 

Your attentive silence was his reassurance to turn and face you once again. Your cheeks were red with emotion. You could feel your heart beating the color into your face as his words sent chills down your spine and made it hard to breathe. You were ready to melt into him as he came closer and gently took your hands into his, speaking much softer. 

“Each day when ya left early from trainin was miserable. Bein there alone, tossin and turnin in bed knowin we coulda still been hangin out together if ya weren’t so busy. But then I would just… Wonder about ya the next day. What ya would be wearin, what stories ya had. Whether ya would use that fruity perfume or sweet one. And then ya started learnin new moves and shit, I barely coulda controlled myself.” 

This time, you let a small giggle escape and he responded with a smile, moving closer to you. 

“I didn’t know what ta say because I… I wasn’t sure if I could handle lettin ya in like that. If me bein me was ready for a relationship but… I gotta try because I can’t let anyone else have ya without at least tryin first. But… I’m guessin you were comin back from that date you uh… were talkin about huh?” 

You gently let your fingers fall from his only to have them drift over his skin. You could see him straighten out and subtly flex as you wandered over his arms that rippled with muscle at every curve. Your hands met at his collarbone and you looked up at him, his gaze intense as your eyes met. 

“You know I only did that to make you jealous…” You murmured. You set aside any insecurities you had about yourself, exuding only confidence as you now knew how much he loved you, and wanted every part of you. As he should, you were pretty damn worth it. 

Gently pressing into him, you squished your chest up against him as you laid your body into his. He wrapped his arm around your stomach, holding you into him as you began to wrap your leg around him. He quickly grabbed your thigh and gave you a squeeze as you spoke, knowing that made him angry or really aroused. You weren’t sure. 

“Well, it worked. I didn’t like him winkin at ya as he left.” 

Both of your feelings were long awaited and pent up. They came out in all the wrong ways before, you both saying the wrong thing and making the wrong moves. Tonight, right now wasn’t going to be like that. You couldn’t hold anything back and neither could he. You both needed to be honest in how you felt and what you wanted from each other. 

You pulled his face closer to you. He was significantly taller than you, so he easily slid his arm down from your waist to under your butt to pull you up and bring you closer. You welcomed the gesture by eagerly bouncing up into the hold and happily wrapping your arms around his neck.  
Your hair draped down to the side to provide a curtain from the city lights and your interlocked eyes. Nothing was going to distract you two now. 

“Maybe you should teach him a lesson or two. He was a real jerk anyway.”

Raphael hummed softly, his eyes breaking from yours to glance down at your lips. Sheepishly, he tried to play it off by looking back up at you like it was nothing, but you knew what he wanted. 

“I thought ya liked jerks?” 

“Only if it's you.” You murmured, gently pressing your lips onto his. The moment your lips connected brought a new wave of emotion you weren’t sure either of you were ready for yet. 

You two began the frenzied kissing battle, each of you begging for something different from each other. 

You pushed forward for a deep lingering kiss, wanting to savor every moment of the first time you both kissed. Raphael enjoyed that for a while before he got bored. He wasn’t ready to let your lips leave his but he wanted more. 

He pushed back into you and you reciprocated by pulling away to tilt your head and kiss him deeply again. A small growl escaped his lips as he pulled you closer. He didn’t like you taking the lead. 

You smiled against his mouth and returned to the gentle tug and pull of regular kissing. It felt good to have his lips stick to yours as you pulled away, just for him to pull you back in before either of you had a chance to break contact. 

Your fingers retreated from the clasp around the back of his neck to feel the power in his shoulders. 

He returned by squeezing your thigh again, letting his hand slide further down. 

You were getting weak. He was so primal and strong that you being flustered didn’t faze him, but he didn’t want to escalate things to a point you weren’t ready for. You had to take the lead in terms of consent. 

You leaned back and he quickly moved his arm from your butt to waist to catch you. You began to pull away and he opened his closed eyes to watch what you were doing. He was worried he made a wrong move.

You continued to lean back, gently grabbing the top of his shell in the front to pull him down with you. He got the message and gently laid you on the ground and climbed over you, where you quickly both reconnected lips to not lose another second.

His hand never left your thigh and continued to roam the side of your leg to under, enjoying the feeling of your smooth leg under his hand.

You moved your leg further up his side and felt the lower half of your dress give. It rolled up to reveal the lacey, black underwear you chose for tonight. For no particular reason though really, just that you wanted nice underwear to match a nice outfit.

You felt his hand pause and he faltered in the kiss. You had closed your eyes again when you both started kissing, but peeked it open to gauge his expression. 

His cheeks were now flushed with color and his eyes were shut tightly, like he was in pain. He was really, really determined not to look or feel without your permission. The pause of his hand on your leg refusing to move up or down was enough to confirm you on that. 

You giggled and he opened one eye to look at you, the color in his cheeks only becoming brighter. 

Angry that you had embarrassed him further, he pulled his lips away from yours to attack your neck. You were about to object when he pulled away from you, but just about passed out when his lips fastened on your neck. 

He was gentle in leaving dainty kisses up and down your neck, never pressing too hard to hurt you in any way.

Still, even the slightest touch felt so good and you let out an airy moan, your head dizzy with arousal. 

He grunted softly into your neck and amped up the kissing, now gently biting your skin and tugging ever so slightly, his tongue rasping over his marks to soothe any pain. 

You grabbed his arm and sunk your nails into his tough skin, your hand wrapping around his neck. He grunted and paused, his eyes finally wandering over you as you received his advances favorably.

You laid your head back as your body curved into a perfect arch, practically giving yourself to him as you exposed whatever bare skin that lay between your face and the fabric of your dress for his taking. 

He moaned at the sight, sliding his hand on your thigh up further while the other hand he used to hold himself up traveled up and down your waist. 

“Whadda wanna do, y/n?” He growled, his fingers wrapping around the tiny thread of your underwear that lined your hips. 

“You.” You quickly shot back, looking up at him pleadingly as you were so desperate for this to escalate further. 

“Here?” He asked excitedly, his eyes quickly glancing around as you bobbed your head up and down stupidly. 

“Yes, please Raphael. I love you, I really do. I… I want you to be my first and only…” 

He seemed taken back, looking at you in surprise. “First?” 

You played with the tails of his bandana with your hand that was wrapped around his neck, nodding in slight embarrassment. “Y..yeah, first. I wanted to save myself for someone special and… you’re really special to me.” 

Raphael breathed a little harder, moving back down on you as he kissed you deeply. “And I want ya ta be mine..” 

You both smiled in adoration towards each other, leaning in for another kiss when the howl of something you’ve never heard before spilt the air. 

You both froze, Raphael’s head shooting up as he looked around quickly while you pressed into him in slight fear. Whatever that was sounded fucking scary. 

“Raphael?” You whispered, afraid whatever had made that noise could hear you both. Or even worse, see you. 

He looked down at you and what you saw made your stomach drop. He looked afraid. Really afraid. 

“We need to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm really, really sorry about how long this took. I'm going to be honest, life just kind of really sucks right now? Lol, not in a horrible, horrible way but it's been moving in ways I didn't expect. My dog died unexpectedly, dealing with friends and what not. Still, your positive comments here and there really kept me going. I never pushed writing this chapter out of my mind. It just forms as I write it and I never really know where it's going to go or how to progress it. So with everything, I had a writers block but I'm really happy with how this turned out.
> 
> Please let me know how you guys feel about smut LOL. I don't really want to write it if you don't want to read it. Also know that there's a line in here that says, "Your perfect body." Please note I don't mean perfect in the way society thinks bodies should be perfect. Ideally, you would take this as your body looks perfect to you, because it is and you should see it that way! I'm trying to make this as personal to you, the reader, as I can. 
> 
> So in addition to that, I have thought about you becoming a mutant. Not sure how I feel about it but please let me know how you guys feel about that as well and if you want anything incorporated into the story! I love reading your comments, it really helps me through these tougher times :)
> 
> OH! Also, funny enough, I met a guy who acted exactly like this one in the chapter! I kind of based him off of someone who I talked to before and a previous date I had, but then I met some guy like this who would NOT. STOP. TALKING!
> 
> Thought you guys would find some humor in that :)


	8. Embrace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> +18 WARNING:  
> This chapter contain explicit sexual material that should not be viewed by anyone under the age of 18. If you do not enjoy said material, please understand this is your warning that this chapter does contain said material and to review the end chapter notes. Thank you :)

It was hard to believe someone as big and bulky as Raph was actually coordinated and graceful as he was. Being yanked around in his arms from rooftop to rooftop probably said otherwise, but his agility to land perfectly each time while balancing you in his grasp was something to behold.

“Which way now?” He asked through his heavy breathing, the darting color of his vibrant green eyes almost as quick as the lights from the city that flashed around you. 

“L-left, no no, right!” You stammered. Everything was happening so fast. One minute, the only thrill you were experiencing was preparing to lose your virginity on a rooftop. And then the next, Raphael had bundled you up into his chest and you were both on the wild chase for survival.

He gave a short grunt in acknowledgement to your directions and started off once more, leaving you to slightly jostle around in his arms as you attempted to collect your equally jumbled thoughts.

“Raphael, what’s going on? What was that thing?” You were afraid to even ask as you dreaded the answer. Your imagination was much worse than anything that could’ve been chasing you, but the fear was all too real in Raphael’s eyes that maybe your imagination wasn’t doing whatever it was justice. 

“When me and casey were hangin’ out for tha last couple a’ days, we came across this… thing. I don’t really know what it was so we followed it around for a while. It looked like some mutant with a bunch of different parents. It led us to all of these otha mutants and well… It got a little messy after that so I’d rather not continue this story. Which way?”

“Left. What do you mean messy? You and Casey didn’t try to fight it did you!?” The shrill tone of your voice was something you’d prefer didn’t escape when stealth was a necessity. Your adrenaline and already racing heart could only handle so much when it came to the thought of Raphael and Casey fighting some giant scary mutant that you couldn’t really help it.

“No, no, not us. I wouldn’t do somethin stupid like that.” He was quick to reassure you, giving you a look that was full of promise to his words but was matched with your look of definitely not buying it. 

He groaned and rolled his eyes a little. “Fine, whateva, but no, we didn’t fight it. It attacked the otha mutants. Then it took them inta the sewers somewhere and we haven’t seen it since. I’m guessin it was made to hunt down mutants though.” 

*Sewers?*

Your mind flashed to the just the other day before everything went wrong. Walking into the sewers to hang out with the brothers, you weren’t sure if you heard anything or if it was just your imagination. Now you were hoping you didn’t hear anything.

“Sewers? Raph, if it’s there aren’t you worried about it finding you and your family? Especially if it specifically hunts down mutants?”

Raphael gave a slightly shuddered sigh and you realized you voiced a thought he probably subsided for a while. “That’s… kinda why I stayed away for a bit. Me and Case tracked it for a while ta make sure it wasn’t goin anywhere near the lair. It seems to only go down the one route then come back up and do it’s huntin.” 

You chewed on your lower lip, thinking about the outcome to each possibility that was unfolding. “What if it caught your scent one of those days you followed it?” 

Raphael shook his head, starting to approach the apartment complex he assumed was yours. “We were careful. ‘Nyway, here ya are.”

He set you down on top of your roof while you eyed the cascade of ladders and balconies you would have to maneuver in order to reach your apartment window. You were making sure Raphael wasn’t going anywhere tonight.

Another splitting howl in the darkness was enough to affirm that conclusion. 

“Alright, follow the balconies to that window right there. Only when I open it though. I think I locked the window so I’ll have to go inside and open it for you.”

Raph blinked, a little bit taken back. "You… want me to come inside with ya?"

You nodded. "Of course I do! You think I'm just going to leave you out here and let that monster get you?"

Raphael almost stammered out a response but you were already making your way down. 

He swallowed hard and watched you disappear down the side of the building, rubbing his now sweaty palms together. Making a face, he tried not to let his thoughts get the best of him. As much as he wanted to say that he was dreading the thought of the mutant in the sewers, he was really nervous about what was going to happen when you opened your window. 

The memory of what was about to occur on that rooftop riled him up with excitement. He could feel the heat rushing to his face, a tidal wave of thoughts accompanying his emotions. How your dress was a special wrapping paper for your flawless, soft skin. He imagined peeling that diamond necklace off, giving him no restrictions to kiss your neck. 

And your lips. He almost fainted. They were softer than he imagined. Softer, sweeter and the most perfect tools to devour him. How badly he wanted to feel those lips again. 

It almost became a painful ache thinking how badly he needed you. In his arms, on the couch, in the bed. By his side always and never anywhere else. With anyone else. 

The intensity of his emotions and thoughts laid a thick, hazy fog in his mind that was impenetrable by nothing else but your voice whispering out his name in the darkness. Slowly fading out of fantasy and back to reality, he made his way over to the side of the building to see you looking around for him. Making his way down, he was almost embarrassed that his tough and hardly shaken demeanor was getting so rattled by the thought of just touching you. He hoped you wouldn't notice.

The urgency to run up and open the window for Raph was enough to almost make you break your ankle running up the stairs in heels. Luckily, you were becoming nothing short of a dangerous and graceful ninja now and quickly recovered, even to your surprise. 

As soon as you threw open the door to your apartment building, you tossed your purse on the couch and heels to the side. Now racing to the window with no restrictions, you greedily called out for Raph to come in a hushed tone.

Excitement made your heart race. A night alone with Raph was something you hadn't yet dreamed about, simply for the reason that you never thought it would happen. But it was happening, and you could hardly contain yourself. Everything you both said to each other… what had almost happened. It would be crazy to assume you guys weren't a thing at that point. Still, you felt embarrassed to ask.

It was a little amusing watching the cumbersome turtle awkwardly try to fit himself through your window. Somehow, even with his giant shell, he managed and took a look around your apartment. 

"Damn, Y/N. This place ain't too bad. How come ya been holdin out on us fa' so long?" He asked, grinning at you as you circled in front of him, heading toward the kitchen.

"I uh, dunno. People are usually in and out of the complex all day so it's not like you guys could just walk through the front door. It's been busy too, ya know?" 

Placing your leftovers in the fridge, you realized you were still pretty hungry. You hadn't realized your date was so unappealing that he completely spoiled your appetite as well. 

Looking over your shoulder at Raph, you could still see him admiring your place. It truly wasnt anything fancy. Just something you could afford that wasn't horrible. Your parents had given you some savings to fall back on and them forcing you to work since the day you got your license helped chip in a lot to the final amount. You could live comfortably in New York while you studied. A priviledge you and your parents worked for. 

Chalking it up to Raph simply really liking your decorating, you piped up once more. "Are you hungry? I didn't really eat."

Raphael's drifting gaze from furniture to decor wandered back to you. Nodding silently in response, you shut the fridge and made quick work of taking your phone out to see what was still open and available for delivery nearby. 

Listing your options, you both agreed Chinese sounded best and placed your order. 

Setting your phone down on the counter, you leaned back against it while Raph had followed suit against the frame of the kitchen door. 

As another howl split the air, the beginning rhythmic patter of rain drowned it deep into the night. Its ghostly figure elsewhere and haunting eyes would surely slink into another nightmare for another night, but it didnt stop the thrill of fear that held onto every fiber of your being. 

Hugging your elbows and tucking your arms close into your body, you silently made your way over to the window. Raphael watched you closely, a worried expression clear across his face but you were too far in your own little world to see. Looking out your window, you stared down the darkest corners and protruding, gawky shapes outside. Waiting for something to jump out and scare you.

"Ya know… ya got nothin to worry about while I'm here."

Fear like this wasn't common for you. Not this deep, aching pain of dreading heartbreak. 

"Its not me I'm worried about, Raph. It never is." 

Your eyes shut away the outside world. Your whisper was shaky, but for his ears only. You didnt want anyone else hearing. You didnt want to be seen. You just wanted to melt away, and be with him.

Raphael's arms wrapped around your already bundled up frame. He gently pulled you away from the window, making a motion to shut the curtains as you both made your departure from the prying eyes of the outside world. 

Slowly, like a dance you both shared and knew the steps to by heart, you turned into him as he pulled you deeper. Blind and new to the objects to avoid in your living room, the silky draping of your fingers across his skin was magnitizing enough for him to feel like he knew where he was going. He followed the air where your skin left his, eager to never leave your touch as you weaved around him, leading him into the confines of your hallway where you two could embrace. 

You eyes were interlocked, speaking a thousand words as you two were left in nothing but the silence of your living room and the music of the rain. Coming to the hallway, the silence broke. 

The sensations started with your ears. Tickled by the strands of your hair as he massaged his fingers gently against your scalp. It was followed by the breath that escaped both your lips before they interlocked. Kissing feverishly and desperately, it was hard to contain anything but passion. 

Raphael had nothing but the support of your apartment wall to lean on as he had fully desired you to treat him the same. Keeping a gentle hold on the back of your head, he had all but the opposite desire for his other arm as it weaved it's way across your back and fastened a firm hold on the side of your waist.

Your sloppy kisses and racing heartbeat were in tune with his as you more than happily accepted his advances. Your hands clasped on either side of his neck, feeling his powerful shoulders shift just barely along the sides of your pinky down to your wrist and thumbs pressed beneath his jaw. 

He parted, needing more as his mouth latched onto your skin and his tongue and teeth started to devour you. 

Your head dropped back as if he had pinched the right nerve. The moan that passed your lips was the start of something new as his exploration began.

Eagerly, his tongue slid along the curves and crevices of your neck. His teeth grazed the softness that was your skin. They worked as a harmonious pair to ensure no part of your neck was left unattended for too long. 

The dizzy, hazy mess you had become shuddered and slipped against him. Your knee and thigh slid up and down his crotch and thighs like waves rolling and unfurling against a sandy shore. Building and building higher and higher until they poured right back down between his thighs and crotch, hitting every nerve and sensitive area he had. 

You two were teasing each other. Seeing what felt good where, how long could you tease that spot before either was ready to yield. How long could the fear and nervousness you both shared keep you at bay? 

Not for long obviously as soon you both had subconsciously agreed you needed more. He paused the attack on your neck as you regained some form of composure, eager to see what you were going to do next. Beginning to slip away form him, he once again blindly followed your dark figure as you led him to your bedroom, which wasn't very far. More than happy to follow wherever you took him anyway. 

You detached fully from him finally once you both got there, your frame a vision illuminated in dim lights seeping through your covered bedroom window from the always vibrant city. You glided across the floor, a silent dream as you made your way over to your bed. 

His hand planted on your door, the poor door helpless as it shut forcefully against the frame. Raphael's extended arm was barely enough to hold the force of his body up as his emerald eyes ate up every inch of your sinuous body. He had fully relied on the connection of his hand on the door to keep him tethered to reality, but why should he? 

Following after your angelic form, he pressed over you as you submitted to the cushion of your bed and laid back, lifting up your arms as you accepted to be a gift for his unraveling. 

Shutting your eyes, it riled every sensual aspect of your being to be left in suspense. To gauge his reaction to every inch of your soon to be uncovered body through the intensity and passion of his actions. 

He was one to get straight to the point. He parted your legs like a knife on butter. You slid open like an envelope, your contents very much only intended for him. His hands traveled slowly up your thighs, not stopping until they settled on your hips and his fingers had curled underneath the strap of your thong. 

He had a second of hesitation, waiting for a signal to stop but good lord how you ached for him. 

Seeing no sign of disapproval, he slid them down. He had barely taken them off halfway when he let out a very aroused moan. He ignored them completely as he settled between your legs, letting them fall as your underwear now dangled from your ankles.

It was almost tempting to see what he was doing, but you didnt need to. Soon enough, he held you apart with two fingers and began his descend upon you. His tongue curled and wrapped eagerly around every fold, every curve you had. You were already slick enough that each motion from his tongue was nothing but ease to aid his exploration. He was relentless, his fingers dipping in to rub and tease your walls while his tongue pushed deeper and deeper into you. 

You were a twisting, writhing mess of pleasure. Moaning louder and louder, growing helpless to every single thing he did. It wasnt enough.

When he pulled away, the thickly laid fog of pleasure that had enveloped you still lingered that you almost didnt notice. You finally opened your eyes as you watched him peel off everything you had on, including tossing aside the underwear which he had so happily ignored before. 

You watched him hungrily as you both shifted up higher onto the bed, now noticing his large and throbbing member protruding between his legs as he climbed onto the bed. 

A gasp of surprise escaped and you could hear him chuckle in return. 

Biting your lip, you silenced any remark he had considered making by moving your legs apart further and curling your fingers into your bed sheets as you were more than ready for him to use his genetic gift. 

He groaned, taking ahold of his member and nestling it between you. You stared at him longingly, a deep reflection of true loyalty and love dancing in the colors of your eyes. 

His gaze returned with a gentleness you had never seen before up until your confession of feelings. It too held the same love and loyalty you felt and nothing had ever felt so right for the both of you up until now. 

Leaning down, his lips locked with yours as he pushed his way into you, splitting you apart from the very inside as your very being was now forever entwined with his.

It felt incredible. The thickness of his member pushed against every nerve deep within you, the feeling only prolonged by his hefty length.

Once settled deep within you, and sure of his successful intrusion, he rolled his hips back as he pulled out of you slowly. Both of you replying with shaky moans, he was eager to bury himself in the warmth and wetness you provided as an experience he had never felt before. 

Pushing back into you, the feeling was just as incredible as it was the first time. Rocking his hips as he found a steady pace, you two returned to kissing as your feelings of pleasure and passions blossomed. 

You both moaned, groaned, and gasped. Taking breaths between labored gasps, the unfurling of a deep and husky growl from him continued to set foreign fires within your body as he made noises you hadn't even dreamt of hearing. It made you moan and squeak helplessly, which only drove Raphael crazy. He responded with sloppier and deeper thrusts when you did something he liked, only making you weaker and him more frenzied all the same. 

It felt amazing, perfect, and unifying. Everything you both did was a push and pull of intense affection and adoration. He worshiped every part of you apologetically as he kicked himself internally for treating you so horribly before. Why did he deny himself from you for so long? 

It didnt matter now. You two were embracing the new found love and ravaging the past memories and insecurities. 

It didnt take before the pinnacle of your actions was bound to over take the both of you. It started as a knot in your belly, making you tense and grip onto him for support as Raphael could barely keep himself together. 

A wave of release found the both of you as he held you close and sputtered out your name while you gripped onto him for dear life, crying out his name on repeat like a broken record. 

And yet, once these intense feelings of pleasure subsided, it didn't retract from the new feelings you two felt. You both, almost in a daze, grappled for the crumpled bed sheets, tossing them over your frames as you wrapped around him and he pulled you in close. 

This moment was perfect. Raphael couldn't ask for anything better. His gaze drifted over every inch of your face, taking in every detail of your complexion. He had never seen you look so happy before…

So lost in picture perfect masterpiece that lay beside him, he almost didnt hear your voice break through the melodic rain that helped guide his mind to the nirvana like state he was in. 

"Raphael?"

"Yes, Y/N?"

You took a deep sigh, so soothed by his voice. 

"I love you…" 

His hold on you tightened, bringing you closer. 

If you asked, he'd happily stay like this with you for the rest of eternity. 

"I love ya too…" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry this chapter took soo long. I really dont have an excuse as to why it took a bit longer for this one to come out? It never escaped my mind. I have so many ideas and I kept coming back to it here and there but to be truthful I just didnt like where it was going. There are still some things I would like to change about the story overall but I had an overall aesthetic for this chapter and finally, at 3 in the morning, spiritually connected with the aesthetic enough to finish the chapter. I know some of you asked for smut so ta-da, there you go! If you do like it, I will definitely consider adding some again in the future. I definitely will be heavily milking fluff and satisfying everyone who is relationship and touch deprived with just general couple stuff in the upcoming chapters as I know we all just really want Raphael relationship stuff. 
> 
> I will try not to be such a slacker when uploading which I know I have said before and failed. OH, also my cats spilled water all over my laptop so that's been a very big setback as well. I still don't have one and don't want to write all of this on my boyfriends computer lol but hopefully I can get a new one soon! 
> 
> So don't worry, I won't just stop writing this story. I definitely want it to continue to the very end. I will also probably start to make some short stories and another one if you guys have certain requests and just whatever comes to mind. 
> 
> Your constant support definitely helps and you guys are amazing! I'm happy I finally got a chapter uploaded for yall! I hope you're all doing well and stay safe :)


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